Dear Mr. Brett Favre

Dear Mr. Favre,

I have yet to read the article that coincides with your most recent picture. (the most recent picture I’ve seen – I’m sure you’ve taken more recent pictures).

In case you’re unsure what photo I am talking about – I want to be sure we’re on the same page.

I wonder if there is an actual article delivering any sort of news other than your fresh beardy lumberjack recent appearance?

I’m confused. Why so buff? Are you trying out gym candy that you weren’t allowed to dabble in for so long? I’m not trying to accuse you of anything, I couldn’t care less actually – pure curiosity.  If I was forced to make an assumption, I’d say you got yourself one of those bow-flex machines. Anyone who has seen the commercials for that muscle building contraption knows that it has assisted in many men (and women) over fifty to be “in the best shape of their lives.”

Are you over 50? I don’t even know how old you are…

All I technically know about you is that you were a tip-top quarterback for many years and you gave us Minnesota Viking’s fans one heck of a (singular) fun year.

I had a super great experience watching you throw the game-winning touchdown against San Fran. I was perched at a bar in Wisconsin, filled with green wearing my purple Favre jersey mockingly proudly.

In case you want to watch it again – I know I do.

I am aware that you played more than one season with us – but the first one was the only one that produced excitement I would describe as fun. I’ll spare you the bitchiness regarding what happened after that… because I like you (even if you did cheat on Deanna).

Back to the photo, I got sidetracked. 

It’s odd to me that your hulking muscles caught my eye first. The other obviously notable thing in this photo is that you’re sporting a pretty spectacular beard. I have absolutely nothing negative to say about it.  

If it were possible for two men to procreate – I’d imagine you could be the product of Santa Claus and Kenny Rogers. That doesn’t offend you, does it? You’re in much better shape than both of them – which is very obvious as we have already gone over your ponderous muscles.

See what I did up there? I threw in my (for now) quarterback’s name; Clever, eh? But………I surely do not have a single desire to discuss the quarterback “situation” in Minnesota with you. I’d fear you reading what you already know and letting out a big boisterous laugh while protein shake spurts out of your nose.

Anywho…hope you’re doing well.

Love, A Viking Fan (that still likes you).

One thought on “Dear Mr. Brett Favre


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