The odds of me running into any of these celebrities is pretty slim, but should the opportunity present itself… I will be prepared.
[maybe I’ll just tweet them]
Jennifer Lawrence: I think my husband would leave me for you … & I wouldn’t really blame him.
Gavin Degraw: I’m sorry I talked so much shit about you…until I saw you live 5 years later & fell in love with you.
Kris Jenner: You, ma’am have raised yourself some very beautiful cash crops.
Bruce Jenner: If nothing else, I hope you’re making your ex-wife super uncomfortable […& that you’re happy].
John Legend: I don’t care how famous and beautiful your voice is…it’s terrible to tell a girl she looks beautiful while she’s crying.
Big Sean: You’ve successfully made me a white girl who says, “chuuu” instead of you.
Katy Perry: I named my cat after you… after she died you actually started going downhill – I’m not saying it’s related or anything.
Miley Cyrus: Do your thing, girl.
- Daniel Ratcliffe: Watching you rap on Fallon tonight, I finally saw you as Daniel not Harry Potter – you should rap more often.
Dakota Johnson: Bitch, you’re brave… people need to give you more credit.
Ed Sheeran: My husband get’s mad when he sees you & realizes Ellie Goulding was attracted to you at some point, but I get it…
Taylor Hanson: I thought I was going to marry you, turns out you had like 20 planned kids; it would have never worked out…but have fun with that.
Justin Bieber: I am going to watch your Roast tonight on Comedy Central and probably end up liking you a whole lot more afterwards; the odds are in your favor.
Matthew McConaughey: Your Lincoln commercials make me want to puke, all right?
Lil Wayne: I ran around a bar once and told everyone you were the modern day Dr. Seuss… & I still believe it.