The Five Truth Tellers

Leggings : Comfy-home-pants, running-to-target-pants, fancy-gathering-long-shirt pants, but most notably they are, here-are-my-ass-thighs-knees-and-calves-pants. There is no piece of attire that is acceptable to wear in public that leaves less to the imagination, with no skin neededThat’s how they’re justified by some (me, included) as appropriate to wear anywhere they want… screaming the truth, good or bad.

Drunk People : Ya know all those thoughts you keep to yourself because: a.) you’re a hoarder of feelings – all feelings, b.) it’s a rude thing to say – true or not – you know better, c.) it would directly impact your life negatively, should you share it, d.) all of the above … Alcohol has a way of releasing all of it to whoever is near. Suddenly you’ll trust anyone within a 15 foot radius (leaving room for a little wander) with all your shit.

If you’ve never done it, kudos…you were probably the one the rest of us were confiding in. Ah, the elixir of truth. 

Your Racist Grandma : You may not have one personally but you’ve all met one, or at the very least, heard the story from a co-worker. Racist Grandma is sweet and enduring…until she starts spouting racial slurs and profanity… in the cutest way possible. She doesn’t realize it’s 2015 and times have changed, so we all cut her a break and let her be. She’s harmless and truthful (to her own thoughts, not reality). Bless her soul.

Children : Simply speaking, they don’t know any better. Kids will point out your rolls by asking why your tummy is so lumpy; such gems, those little offsprings. THOSE ARE ROLLS, BECAUSE I EAT A LOT… OKAY?! Children truth-tellers have the ability to make you feel super great, or leave you staring back at a 3-4 foot-tall-being speechless and mildly offended. Ultimately, they cannot be faulted for not living long enough to have a grasp on a fucking awkward situation.

Bad Bitches : While alcohol can sometimes make every lady somewhat of a bad bitch, majority of us will never be real bad bitches. Most of us will stand from afar and look with wonder in our eyes. What’s it like? They tell the truth because they don’t give a fuck. It hurts your feelings? Tough. Bad Bitches be on a mission to say things exactly how they are …often times exaggerated……..and loud.

Bad bitches, don’t come at me for saying that. Please.

That’s all I’ll say.

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