It worked for me – you can gain weight too!

My wedding anniversary is right around the corner again. I’m trying my best to face the reality that if I was brave enough to try my wedding dress on… just for fun…it would not be fun at all; not even a little bit. In fact, it would be dreadful, embarrassing and shameful. Since none of those describing words sound fun at all, I bit the bullet (instead of a candy bar) and signed up for a YMCA membership yesterday.

patonmyback
Tell me how great I am.

I need to stop shoveling every delicious and fattening thing into my greedy mouth. Particularly: ice cream, taquitos, pizza and Taco Bell (…even more specifically, Chili Cheese Burritos & Cheesy Gordita Crunches). My knowledge and experience with weight fluctuation makes me an expert, so I wouldn’t feel right about hopping back onto my healthy train without giving some plausible advice first.

This is what worked for me – it can work for you also.

TEN WAYS TO GAIN EXCESS WEIGHT

1.)    Eat out as often as possible – you know you can’t make that burger taste as good at home.

burger

2.)    Marry a loving spouse that could really care less how bubbly and big your ass is getting.

3.)    DO NOT control your portions – this one will get ya. When you’re questioning if you need that extra scoop – trust me, you do.

somuchfood.gif
…Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom…

4.)    Extra Cheese, Please. (And Add Bacon)

5.)    Stop drinking water all together & enjoy some carbonated goodness.

6.)    Don’t Exercise. At all. The less movement the better.

7.)    Snack, or better yet – eat a 4th meal late at night, right before bed. It’s always easier to fall asleep with a full belly.

lazy.gif
Netflix, Chill & Eat

8.)    The best way to cure boredom is to eat. Go open that fridge and find something to do/eat. (Bonus: Same deal with stress – food makes you feel better.)

9.)    Work a job that keeps you in your chair. Again, the less movement – the better.

10.) When you feel full – you aren’t actually full. Fight through the fullness and eat the rest of that pleasingly excessive portion you put there. Follow it up with dessert.

So, there it is folks. If you have any questions or concerns, I’ll be over here…eating oatmeal and carrot sticks.

Happy Gaining.

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All GIFs via: Giphy.com

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