1: Rusty Razors: If I had to choose to shave my body with rusty razors for four years or have Trump as our leader – I’d take my chances.
Ah. Well… I attended Juilliard… I’m a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I’ve seen the EXORCIST ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT… NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU’RE TALKING TO A DEAD GUY… NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK? You think I’m qualified?
That makes more sense than over half of the nonsense that comes out of Donald Trump’s mouth. Yes, Beetlejuice – you’re qualified to run for President of the United States of America.
3: Fortune Cookies: Even when I put ‘in bed’ after the fortune the probability of the outcome not letting me down has to be far less than a Trump Administration.
4: Bill Cosby: I’m confronted by Donald and Bill, both offer me a beverage and I’m going with Bills, I think he would appreciate it more.
5: Brian Williams: I heard he was at Donald Trump’s wedding and flies on his private jet on the regular – it crashed once. If we could tally the number of lies between the two of them – Mr. Williams would have less.
6: Yellow Snow: I’d let my kid, and yours, eat yellow snow and fear less for his well being than a future with Donald Trump as president.
7: My Asshole Cat: No matter how many times he knocks my glass of water on my head while I’m sleeping, I trust him more than Donald Trump.
8: Black Licorice: Not everyones cup o’ tea, much like Donald… but no harm comes from enjoying a box of Good & Plenty.
9: Vodka: After consumption my behavior becomes questionable. Vodka does not have my best interest in mind, much like Donald, but at the end of the night it helps me sleep better – something Mr. Trump will never be able to do.
10: The Potato Salad That’s Been Sitting In The Sun For Hours: Sure, I might get a stomachache and upchuck but that is also guaranteed if Trump wins the nominee or the election.
11: The squirrel Darting Back And Forth In The Street: Unlike Donald Trump, I trust Mr. Squirrel will be held accountable for his actions and if he ends up lucky, I’ll be happy for it.
12: Smeagol, from Lord of the Rings: I endorse Smeagol.
Come on Hobbits. Long ways to go yet. Smeagol will show the way.