R is for Realistic Potty Training

I haven’t wiped a child’s ass in years, I remember those days though. I was a bit ahead of the game when it came to becoming a mother, so now my friends have begun potty training their little ones while I’m over here with a nine year old who can make his own breakfast & shower himself.

[Not complaining]

I actually consider myself an expert in the area of getting a kid to stop wearing diapers and I’m happy to share my genius on the subject of potty training, so here you go.

comics-Cyanide-and-Happiness-poop-610373Just kidding.

Fail Proof Way To Potty Train Your Offspring

  • Take the kid to a store that sells awesome underwear.
  • Allow your kid to pick out their most favorite pack of CHARACTER UNDIES
    • Important: They must love the character they choose.
  • On the trek home get super animated and excited about going to the bathroom on the big kid toilet; don’t hold back.
  • Once the kiddo has the underoos on, tell them this:

If you pee on Elsa/Mickey/Buzzlight Year… he/she is going to be so mad at you. Honestly kid, I don’t think they’d even let you watch their shows anymore.

Should your kid pee on their friend, it doesn’t have to be dramatic. I’m not a heartless mother. Not surprisingly, my kid pissed on his favorite. I got Lightning McQueen on the phone and begged him to let my offspring continue to watch Cars if he promised not to pee on him anymore… and that was that, worked like a charm.

Simply tell them that you’ll have a chat with their friend and see if they’ll forgive the act of being pee’d on; to your kid, especially at that age, you are capable of anything.

See ya later, Diapers.

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