I’m an anxious person, a worrier. I fully accept it and go about my life looking over my shoulder and assuming the worst. I’ll be honest, I can’t even go to the store by myself without something like this happening…
My husband used to be amused by it, over the years I think it’s lost its luster though.
Some worries are rational, others are not. If I say this, how will it be perceived? Rational. How am I going to get all this done? Rational. Did someone just break into my house while I’m showering? Irrational.
I know what caused this, I grew up watching Dateline, 20/20 & Unsolved Mysteries. I would get tucked into bed, sneak out and prop myself up against the couch; back to back with my mother. Many nights as a child were spent carefully peeking my head around watching stories of murder, kidnapping, missing people and crime – I loved it then and I love it now.
You’d think that would turn me into at least a little bit of a bad ass or something, but instead I’m just a basket-case who is able to realize just how irrational I am being. The tricky part is getting my logical brain to transfer some of that necessary information to my rapidly beating heart and tight lungs.
Hey guys, Brain here. Just so you know, no one broke into the house. Those noises were totally normal – you’ve heard them a thousand times. Just simmer down now.
I imagine if my heart and lungs were capable of a response, it would go something like this:
ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?! SOMEONE IS IN THE HOUSE AND HERE SHE STANDS – NAKED AND VULNERABLE!
One evening, walking out of Target I allowed a tiny worry to fester into an elaborate story. Someone is hiding under my car & they are going to cut my Achilles tendon. I’ll be lying there, motionless & God only knows what their plan is with me! In the most absurd looking attempt I did this, super-awkward-hop-jump thing into my vehicle.
I still wonder if anyone saw me. Ridiculous but true nonetheless and you would think that if there was ever going to be a breaking point for my logical brain, that would have been it.
Okay, okay… I give up. You win. You’re right heart & lungs… the world is out to get her.