I don’t get it, who puts nails in Halloween candy? What meth-head is frantically looking for their baggie? Where can I find some of these marijuana gummy bears the police keep yapping about? Not all my questions can be answered, but there seem to be a few different reasons and intentions for the who, what, why, and hows of all this madness.
First, the nails, because it’s clearly the most malicious.
Why: Because they’re fucking twisted human beings who want to cause harm to other human beings, specifically children.
How: I’m stumped, was the wrapper opened, or did this person or people poke the nail through the wrapper and into the Kit-Kat? I don’t know. I don’t even want to know.
Next, the meth.
Who: A meth-head who is probably, still, super pissed off.
Why: Because sometimes, when people are high on drugs, accidents happen.
How: *Knock, Knock, Knock*
Oh, hey kids, here ya go…
*Five Minutes Later*
Last, the marijuana gummy bears…
Who: No one.
What: Nothing, because not a single person who enjoys edibles is just giving them away to children.
Why: Because, fake news.
How: Not important, because it’d never happen.