Looking back on my 33 years of life I absolutely owe a few apologies, owed a few also, but we’ll save that for another day. In lieu of the A-Z Challenge I’ll be handing these apologies out in alphabetical order, clearly not in order of importance.
A few different folks: I’m sorry I ordered pizza and had it delivered to your house. I’m especially sorry to Lisa, who I would sit on the hill across from her house and watch the confusion go down.
Bridget, Niki, and Brandin: I’m sorry I’ve slapped you all across the face (once, I am not an abuser).
Cathy: I’m sorry Bridget and I drank your alcohol while I was house sitting for you as a teenager, and got mad at you for confronting us about it. Also, I’m sorry I ate a ridiculous amount of Halloween candy that year we shared a room with bunk beds and threw up all over you from the top bunk.
David: I’m sorry I called you that nasty word that caused you to shove me up against a wall and demand I take it back. Sometimes my humor is tasteless.
Everyone: I’m sorry I’m habitually late.
Friends and Family: I’m sorry for making you question my morals while using excessive sarcasm, also for never calling or texting back in a timely manner.
Gentry: I’m sorry I stole your grey Old Navy sweatshirt in 7th grade and wore it to school claiming it was mine and that you were crazy.
Harrison: I’m sorry that I’ve only met you one time.
Innocent children: I’m sorry if you’ve ever been witness to one of my passionately strung together, not appropriate for you, choice of language.
Jessie: I’m sorry we haven’t gotten together for coffee more recently, especially considering our close proximity.
Kwik Kevin: I’m sorry I stand at the server station and make it awkward when you aren’t making my tickets kwik enough.
Lizzy: I’m sorry I temporarily unfriended you in real life and kept you on my Facebook friends list.
Mom, Dad, Debbie, and Clarence: I’m sorry for making you worry about me and my questionable decisions I made as an adolescent and teenager. Clarence, I also apologize for stealing your car.
My old neighbors: I’m sorry my cat got out and ended up in your house that one time.
Noone in particular: I’m sorry I can be ridiculously loud at times and occasionally put you in a position to have to shh me, repetitively. It will probably never stop.
Overly competitive people: I’m sorry I have a lack of passion for winning. I don’t care, and it seems to inconvenience both people who want to beat me, and when I’m on a team with you folks… I apologize.
People who are easily offended: I’m just sorry.
Quentin: I’m sorry it’s been a few since I’ve snuggled and smooched on you.
Rhoda: I’m sorry I had too many adult beverages on a Friday night and called into work hungover on Saturday, and then showed up anyway and laughed about it.
Sarah: I’m sorry I stole the lock from your locker, more than once, in middle school. Also for calling the music teacher, pretending to be you, and asking for private lessons. That one went a little far.
Taylor Swift: I’m sorry I can’t take you seriously when you dance, even when it’s good the strange takes over.
Ungrateful bitches: I’m sorry you’re miserable people.
Violet: I’m sorry I didn’t take more advantage of the short time I was able to have you in my life.
Whitney: I’m sorry I made you play the role of my noble steed while I was the princess when we were kids.
Xenophobia Folks: I’m sorry you’re so close-minded and your life is so sheltered that you are fearful of other innocent human beings.
Yelawolf: I’m sorry I asked if you were Yelawolf (and maybe pronounced it yellow wolf) when I ran into you in Nashville. Rookie move, I should have just known.
Zzz: I’m sorry I don’t get enough of you, ever, even if I nap every day.