Lies I’ve Told

I’m a liar, but let’s be honest, so are you.

If you told me you’re not a fibber, I wouldn’t believe you. I consider myself to be a bit of a recovering liar, I’ve become way more truthful in my thirties, but these little ones always seem to skate by.

I’ll be there by [enter time here].

Can’t wait!

Exercising on a regular basis starts tomorrow morning.

I’m going to start watching my mouth.

I’ll call you back.

I know, I totally agree!

Next week Tuesday? Yeah, I’d love to hang out.

No naps today.

Gosh, I wish the rain would stop so we could go outside.

I’m going to set goals and finish [insert anything here] in a timely manner.

I’m going to bed early tonight.

I actually really enjoy eating healthy.

I understand.

This is not vodka, it’s water. 

I’m late because [enter any excuse here].

I totally heard you, I was just thinking about it.

Wasn’t me.

I was just joking…

I’m on my way.

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I have no idea who said that.

I am going to finish my book by the end of summer.

Don’t worry about it, we’re cool.

I didn’t say anything…

Let’s go out for one, but I’m not getting drunk tonight.

I’m going to get all my laundry done and put away today.

I support you no matter what.

We’re gonna get school supplies shopping done early this year.

This is a judgment-free zone.

I don’t have anything to wear.

I didn’t get that text.

I don’t know that person.

I’ve never stalked [insert anyone I’ve ever encountered] on social media.

It’s just a guilty pleasure [that I feel no guilt over whatsoever].

I’m not going to eat this entire frozen pizza.

I don’t lie.

“I’m the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. It’s awful. If I’m on my way to the store to buy a magazine, even, and somebody asks me where I’m going, I’m liable to say I’m going to the opera. It’s terrible.” 
― J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

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