Officially a Mom to a Teenage Boy.

My only offspring is now a teenager and as expected, it kinda hurts my mama heart. His voice is lower than I’m comfortable with, he’s as tall as I am, and his friends are “dating” (but not him, so he says). We don’t hold hands anymore, but he still kisses my cheek before leaving the house so I will consider that a win.

Never could I have imagined 13 years would pass so fast. And what am I doing? Looking through old pictures finding it impossible to remember my man-child being so small and cuddly.

This day 13 years ago, I was clueless. I had no idea what the hell I was doing: I overfed him his first week home and watched him projectile vomit in his crib. I’d never cried with a newborn in the bathtub at 3AM before, brand spanking new experiences. Later that week, I dropped him. They say babies are less fragile than they appear, and he proved that to be true.

PSA: Don’t fall asleep while you’re holding your baby in a chair – they’ll barrel roll all the way to the ground.

His first word was, Hi! And it didn’t stop until it was almost unbearable.

Hi. Hi. Hiiiiii. Hi! HI! hi. -Bennett

Ya know the song Rumor Has It, By Adele? When it finished, he asked: What do you think Umar has? When he picked our brains about shooting stars he said: I’d give my wish to mom.

Now that we’ve begun the teenage adventures I’m grateful that he’s still a sweet boy, just now a little more stinky and way more annoyed. Thankfully, proper documentation is not a problem for when I’m feeling sentimental, sad, proud, and weirded out – all at the same time.

There was the Elmo phase, his first real obsession. Middle of August, it’s hot and humid and like a diamond in the rough he spots an Elmo costume at a rummage sale. Kid could care less how sweaty he was, lived in the thing all summer.

When they’re toddlers, you can’t look away for more than a second, but on the other hand, you don’t even want to. You just stare at them like,”you crazy little person, what the f*** are you even saying? Why are you so adorable? I can’t believe I made this little monster who’s destroying everything“.

and it’s kinda magical.

When he was four my dad snapped my favorite picture of us, oh, and this was also the first year he was able to write out requests to the Easter Bunny.

Dear Easter Bunny, Please bring me tattoos.

He stole the show on our wedding day. From the moment he crept up on me while taking pictures, his robot dance moves, and genuine silliness…he made our day over and over.

He began showing initiative to save money by jumping in a ride with a stranger instead of using his own coins at Chuck E. Cheese, that was a proud moment. Another personal favorite? He insisted, swore up and down that he would love tomato juice. Why? Because red was his favorite color…and tomato juice is red. Life is actually that simple when you’re five years old.

He also declared his like for big butts, and couldn’t lie about it.

…and I busted him taking his first selfie.

There was the time we pulled a pretty stellar April Fools joke on him…

His voice on that video is so small, and he hasn’t grown into his teeth yet, but if you listen close to the beginning: “I love you guys.” He’s always been one to randomly throw out an I love you and I assume that means he’ll make a pretty great husband someday (to the girl I’ll try my best to like).

And just like that, he’s a big kid. There was always a preconceived notion in my brain saying little kids are harder to parent. My big kid likes to sleep in, and so do I. The challenges don’t get easier, they just change.

I’m not scared of the teenage years, not even intimidated. I know him. Is he going to give me an attitude when I don’t deserve it? Yes. Is he going to do half the shit I did when I was a teenager? I really really hope not.

Dear Mother at Kwik Trip

Dear Mother at Kwik Trip,

I was waiting to check out with a few items, noticed you and your daughter walk in. With excitement in her voice your daughter exclaimed:


To which you replied:

Yeah, because that is just what you need, another egg roll. Why don’t you ask for a banana?

I was not the only person taken aback by this. Numerous people turned in your direction with disgust written all over their faces.

Obviously, your daughter’s choice of words like another would imply that you have bought her numerous egg rolls in the past, making her question completely relevant. Instead of saying, “How about you get a more healthy snack like a banana?” you made the decision to cut her down, and make her feel 2 inches tall in front of a store full of people.

Your daughter is overweight. That is your fault. Not every obese child’s parents are to blame – sometimes there are other reasons -. in this instance, however, I blame you. Not only does your daughter need to deal with the struggles of being overweight in everyday life, but even her own mother says hurtful things to her.

You are supposed to lift your children up. Make them believe they can conquer anything standing in their way. You are supposed to make sure she lives a long healthy life. You are supposed to make sure she enjoys her childhood.

Real question: what the hello is wrong with you?

You’re a bully and you disgust me.


J. Boggs

The Tooth Fairy Looks Really Nice

The tooth fairy looks really nice in this movie.

Looks really nice, he says. Is this the first time my son has acknowledged the opposite sex? Weird. As we watched Rise Of The Guardians that night he mentioned his wiggly tooth and the tooth fairy’s appearance only about 5 more times.


Tucking him into bed, he asks what I think the mysterious tooth fairy looks like. I begin to give my best parental explanation, however, I am cut off by my volcano mouth child…

Do you think she looks like she does in the movie?????

Does my kid have his first little infatuation with a girl? I guess I should be content that this girl is not real?

Fast forward approximately one week and that wiggly front tooth is gone. He lost the first of his two front teeth a decent amount of time before this 2nd one, the first front tooth missing made me feel nostalgic – I may have gotten a little misty. That being said, when this second one came out I jumped for joy. My child looked all kinds of crazy with that front tooth dangling and a giant gap off to the side.

Okay, the tooth is gone. Evening arrives and he tells me he wants to write the tooth fairy a note. He sits down at his desk.

How do you spell Guardian?

How do you spell Picture?

This is how the note read:

Dear Tooth Fairy,

You look really nice in Rise of the Guardians. Have you collected a lot of teeth tonight? Please write back on the back of this paper and draw a picture of you.


Fast forward to 4:30AM the following morning, my groggy half-asleep brain starts alerting me Psst…You forgot to be the tooth fairy last night. Instantly, as I lay motionless, my head is in hysteria mode as I remember he requested a picture.

After rolling out of bed, I grabbed the crayons he set so carefully beside his note and came to terms with the fact that a picture is just not happening right now. Starting fresh, the tooth fairy’s response went something like this:

Dearest Bennett,

Thank you so much for the note!

<everything you’d expect me to write in my kid’s note to the toothfairy>

I cannot draw you a picture of myself. You see, no child really knows what I look like. Keep being a good boy and keeping your teeth so darn clean, next time… I will draw you a picture.

Love, The Tooth Fairy

PS. I hope you don’t mind…I kept your note.

When Bennett woke up, before his eyes were even opened he mumbled,“the picture…..” I have failed as a parent. He is going to be so disappointed. After he read the note, he gets this silly little smirk on his face and says, “I’m going to keep her note too.”

Being a mom is awesome. Parenthood is wonderful. I can’t wait to tell him that his first love was the tooth fairy.