Gosh, You’re Funny.

[Awe, thanks…I think so, too.]

joanriversquote


Properly Ridiculous Potty Training

I actually consider myself an expert in the area of getting a kid to stop wearing diapers… & I wouldn’t feel right not sharing my genius on the subject of potty training, so here you go.

“Not Unfortunate Looking”

I’m not sure, perhaps it’s my blunt nature that throws people off when it’s said.

National High Five Day

“We High Five Around Here” was plastered on an 8.5×11 piece of printer paper that I sloppily penned & taped up by the front door. It wasn’t expensive decor, but it’s what we stood for [and still do].

It worked for me – You can gain weight too!

I need to stop shoveling every delicious and fattening thing into my greedy mouth. Particularly: Ice Cream, Taquitos, Pizza and Taco Bell.  I wouldn’t feel right about getting back onto my healthy train without giving some plausible advice first. This is what worked for me – It can work for you also.

[Realistically] Thinking Out Loud

With a title like, Thinking Out Loud – the possibilities are endless. If the title came before the song – was the first draft more realistic?

Summer [Pros & Cons]

Everyone can relate to opening a door and getting slapped in the face with hot, sticky air that fills your lungs and then releases through your hair. In the meantime – if you need to get anywhere you’ll need to swim through the muggy air. Humidity is the worst thing about summer.

The Communal Bathroom At Work Is The Best

I do not like plunging other people’s shit … especially co-workers. Even my kid tries to plunge his own unnaturally large craps himself – with a towel – [but that’s another story.]

Given The Chance, This Is What I’d Say….

Katy Perry: I named my cat after you… after she died you actually started going downhill – I’m not saying it’s related or anything.

3 [Questionable] Things I’d Take To A Deserted Island

2.) Mascara – Makes me feel good. If I was going to live on a deserted island, I find I’m much more productive when I feel good about myself.

Top 10 Reasons Married Folks Bicker [all the time]

  1. What did you say?Hey, I’m running out to the store. ….Huh? You’re going out cause you’re bored?!
  2. Why aren’t you listening to me?

This is what happens when I get sent to the store alone…

I didn’t get out of my pajamas, so instead of going to the grocery store I ventured to the gas station. Like a typical wife…I reached out to my husband when I felt necessary.

I Would Never Do Meth, But…

I Googled my name [because my life is obviously very exciting] and there I was.

Flashback Friday: That One Friend

As I decided which stories I wanted to share with you I realized I’m not entirely surprised our parents weren’t fond of our blossoming friendship. If I’m being honest, I’m still not sure if things we did were normal childhood liveliness, or if we were downright awful human beings.

Whoa Whoa Whoa…[Penis Neckline]

Often, I wonder how things get past the important people who are supposed to stop things like this from happening.

“Um, Your Son Just Said The ‘N’ Word…”

I’m sorry…

what did you say?

I am staring back at a young boy, who is hired by the service I pay to watch my 1st grader after school as if he’s speaking in a foreign language.

Jeans, Dress & Yoga Pants: Oh My…[GOD]

If I’m being honest…there’s only one type of leg wear that I have nothing negative to say about; my Hello Kitty footie pajamas.

Peanut Not Penis, Google.

So yeah…this happened while my child attempted to utilize voice search on my tablet.

Seriously, STFU: Bae [and other terrible slang]

These new words that are coming from a younger generation? Well, they kinda make me wince; add more wincing if I have to listen to it coming out of someone my age.

Saved By The Bell: Life Lessons

Before school, after school…Heck, I even watched an episode of Saved By The Bell last January at a bar in Florida while I ate Nachos [yeah, that’s true].

Another Pineapple Bites The Dust

Hey… should we buy another pineapple to waste?”

-My Husband

My Porch Light Is Not On

My porch light is not on. Sorry Kids… Move along; it’s Mama’s night alone. Let me be. 


All Rights Reserved. © 2014-2015 Jennifer Boggs

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