I couldn’t find a plunger, he said.

Originally written August 26, 2014

I walked into the bathroom last night and it was wet, like puddle wet.

“Hey! Bennett…come here………………what happened?!”

Slowly he peeks his head around the corner and his nervous smirk instantly gave away his knowledge of the situation. I kept staring into his worried baby blues waiting for a response.

“I think I’m gonna to be in trouble for this…”

This human I created 7 years ago proceeds to tell me that he poo’d out a “really big poo” and clogged the toilet. He wanted to fix it, but couldn’t find the plunger, so…

He used a towel instead.

 

whoawow
Me.

 

My eyes immediately shifted to the towel rack where I see his green froggy towel – dripping.

Drip, Drip, Drip…onto the already overflowed toilet water covering the bathroom floor.

A million visuals are racing through my head at this point and one of them is my son shoving his poop down the toilet, with a towel, elbows deep in the toilet poop water. How did I not know this happened?! Lord, help me…Was this before dinner?! Did he wash his hands?!?

As I am imagining how all this went down I failed to notice Bennett staring at me – watching my facial expressions change with each new visual.

I thanked him for being honest with me, went upstairs for the plunger…and that’s that.

Some memories are meant for holding near and dear to your heart, others are meant for future girlfriends and graduation boards.

PR Monday Memes: Real Life

PRMondayMemesEvery day we log into social media and browse our friends, and not actual friends, highlight reels. I’m guilty, so instead, today I’m going to share some real life shit. Because I like to revile in minor failures and less than desirable realities on occasion.

Why!?

I just don't get it @mystylesays

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Not all clowns are scary…

Clownssss

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Adulting, it’s hard…

@funny is a must follow 😂

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I thought this fear was supposed to dissipate with age…

👀👀👀

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First things first…

Yes, please…

@uprimetime is my favorite college page to follow. Just scrolled through their feed for hours l

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Can we just eat the cake?

#reallife

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Bitch, Love ME!

Not sure what to say. Thank you @popyourpup #sp

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Take me back…

#SarcasmOnly

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Procrastinating is my favorite…

Eh probs gonna pass

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I saved the realist for last…

Never leaving my bed kk bye @mybestiesays

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Nails, Meth, and Mariujuana Gummy Bears, Oh My!

I don’t get it, who puts nails in Halloween candy? What meth-head is frantically looking for their baggie? Where can I find some of these marijuana gummy bears the police keep yapping about? Not all my questions can be answered, but there seem to be a few different reasons and intentions for the who, what, why, and hows of all this madness.

First, the nails, because it’s clearly the most malicious.

Who: Psychopaths. 

What: Nails inserted into three Kit-Kat bars.

Why: Because they’re fucking twisted human beings who want to cause harm to other human beings, specifically children.

How: I’m stumped, was the wrapper opened, or did this person or people poke the nail through the wrapper and into the Kit-Kat? I don’t know. I don’t even want to know.

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Next, the meth.

Who: A meth-head who is probably, still, super pissed off.

What: A little baggie of crystalized methamphetamine.

Why: Because sometimes, when people are high on drugs, accidents happen.

How: *Knock, Knock, Knock* 

Oh, hey kids, here ya go…

*Five Minutes Later*

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Last, the marijuana gummy bears… 

Who: No one.

What: Nothing, because not a single person who enjoys edibles is just giving them away to children.

Why: Because, fake news.

How: Not important, because it’d never happen.

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Just so we’re clear, you should absolutely still eat an insane amount of check your kid’s Halloween candy… quality control is important, too.

PR Monday Memes: Halloween

October 31.

The one day of the year your kid puts some work in for the family, supplying the household with delicious treats to feast on after they go to bed. Even if you don’t have kids, eat as much candy as possible – it’s a free pass for like a week at least.


Costume: 8/10

Pun: 10/10

Real Life.

No, really though…” -Your Dog

#halloweenmemes

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What are you going to be for Halloween?

Hammy…

What’s that?

Ham. Just ham. 

😂😂😂 #prettymuch #lol #meme #memes #halloweencostume #halloweenmemes

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‘Scary’ is open to interpretation.

I don’t want to be that house, handing out Dum-Dum Suckers, so I guess I’ll spend the $1,329.00 for the good stuff…

I love a good family tradition around the holidays.

Sometimes, Halloween is hard.

What a terrible day for humans with allergies. 

How to terrify an adult on #Halloween: 😆🎃😆

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Winning.

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And if anyone’s wondering what I’ll be up to this Halloween…

The only scary thing about Halloween is that rent is due the next day

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Happy Halloween, friends. 

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I’m not going to let that bother me.

There we were, my husband and I, both trying to get that ever-so-important final word in. I can’t even tell you what we were bickering about, but I’m positive that it was something dumb – bickering is always for something dumb. If it was of any importance, it certainly would have escalated into an actual argument and I’d know exactly what it was pertaining to…and why I was right and my husband was wrong.

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Yeah, okay…whatever you say.

Good.

Fine.

Seriously! I just tried to end this.

Whatever.

After all that, an exceptional statement came out of my mouth:

I’m not going to let that bother me.

Brandin just looked back at me and I watched a smirk grow on his face, and that was that.

Okay, okay…I admit, I fully intended for that statement to be snide; one more little jab. I was legit surprised when I realized I actually felt better, and not a VICTORY-IS-MINE sorta better, it was as if I had literally just chucked that bicker-fest out the window.

 

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See ya later, bye.

 

What was supposed to be a disparaging remark, turned into quite the opposite. Give it a whirl, and not only when squabbling. For instance:

  • Oh, the jerk in the fancy car just cut me off? I’m not going to let that bother me.
  • Interesting… You canceled plans with me because you have a headache – and you were just tagged on Facebook at Applebee’s? I’m not going to let that bother me.
  • My dog that was just outside for 20 minutes but still crapped on the floor. I’m not going to let that bother me.

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There is really something to this, I promise. I’m no head-doctor and I’m certainly not an expert in staying calm (ask my husband) but hearing those words, they’ve helped digest  situations and from there, there’s a choice. Is it worth the negative feelings? More often than not, I’d rather just stay in a good mood.