I is for Illicit

I was notorious for expressing my love for 95% of the songs on Top-40 radio in the 90’s. My dad reminded me regularly that even though I thought the song that was playing right then was the best – every song was my favorite song.  The year was 1996; riding in the front seat of my dad’s car I sang freely and confidently about boys dreams, thinking nothing of it.

Hike up your skirt a little more
and show your world to me
In a boys dream.. In a boys dream

: Dave Matthews Band

I was twelve.

When I was in the 6th grade my friend Jenny and I (the one I stole the car with) tried out for the talent show by doing our very own rendition of Don’t Speak by No Doubt. To this day, when it comes on the radio I imagine what we looked like to the class full of our peers; two awkward pre-teens holding the wooden stick instruments as microphones. No movement, just quiet singing.

We didn’t make the cut, but you know who did? This younger kid who sang and danced to My Pony…

If you’re horny lets do it, ride it, my pony
My saddle’s waiting, come and jump on it


I am not making this up, he did the pony dance.

Maybe we didn’t have quite the showmanship or choreography but at least we were elementary school appropriate. Our other friends were told they would not be allowed to perform, If You Wanna Be My Lover by the Spice Girls… but this 4th grader can fake hump the air?!

Ultimately, our Spice girl friends and us teamed up and complained enough that we were allowed to give a gripping performance of Say You’ll Be There in (kind of) matching denim overalls and one in-sync dance move at the end …and pony boy was cut.

A year later, Sex and Candy by Marcy Playground entered top 40 radio airwaves.

I smell sex and
Candy here
Who’s that lounging
In my chair 

I was thirteen years old, trying to explain to my mom that she’s too old and can’t understand that just because it says sex, doesn’t mean that is what it’s all about…and that she’ll just have to get over it because it’s my favorite song ever.

Baby Got Back was released when I was eight and I had it memorized by the time I was nine. Later, it was one of the biggest deals when played at school dances. All of us teenagers out there shakin’ it, singing every word in perfect harmony.

It was beautiful.

But I gotta be straight when I say I want to… [uuuhhh] 
Til the break of dawn
Baby got it goin’ on 

Now, as a parent myself, I have to imagine there was a time or two that it was a bit uncomfortable to be around me and my love for tunes. I’d like to issue a public apology to the adults – especially my parents – who encountered my illicit taste in ’90’s music.

I’m sorry.