Gym Class

I hate math, how I never failed a single math course is beyond me. Placement tests for college? I was placed in a class that focused on whole numbers and decimals. Six classes under college level. But ya know what I always hated more than math? Gym class. Or, Phys. Ed. if you had that one teacher who found the other disrespectful.

As an adult I can grasp the value of children learning the importance of movement, exercise, and team activities. I’m not saying the class should be veto’d or anything, but it is one giant master plan to embarrass the nonathletic and clumsy.

Like me, wearing a shirt with Betty Boop working on her fitness.

Presidential Standards for Physical Fitness Tests? I never met any of the standards, below average actually. Push ups, sit ups, and don’t get me started on the damn pull up bar.

Please. Just put zero and let me move onto the next embarrassing “test”. I guess the sit and reach wasn’t so bad. Fly yourself forward as fast as you can and hope your partner can read the line your finger was at for a split second – and then lie.

The mile run? More like the mile lackadaisical walk. Queen of the shameless 27 minute mile, right here. Probably why I wasn’t top pickin’ for team games.

Any sport or activity that involved things being kicked, thrown or smacked in my direction was just not my idea of a good time. If someone made the questionable choice to give me a chance of participation, I’d throw it away – literally get rid of it as quick as I can. If that means handing the football off to the opposing team because they happen to be standing right there? Okay.

Please don’t throw it to me. Please don’t throw it to me. Please don’t throw it me. Please don’t throw it to me. PLEASE don’t throw it to me.

Me, silently chanting to myself

Am I the only one who gave eyes to the other weak girl on the opposing dodge-ball team? You get me out and I’ll return the favor. Oh, my turn to enter the game again? Nah. I’ll hang out until the teacher noticed and forced me back in the whirlwind of foam balls.

Why is the rope climb important? Why can’t it be optional? Like, extra credit. This should only be mandatory for adults who would need to perform their job duties. Firefighter. Police officer. Military. Body Builders. Can’t think of a single reason why my chubby 15-year-old ass needs to attempt to climb hang from a rope in front of my class. As if hanging from the pull up bar wasn’t shameful enough.

I realize that I am a woman in my mid-thirties who just went on a rant about something from over a decade ago so I tried really hard to think of some positive memories also. Seeing how I couldn’t come up with single f****** one, I feel my emotions regarding this subject are justified. Thank you for listening.

Seven Reasons You Can’t Dislike Taylor Swift

I’m as sick of this face as you are…

taylor-swift-1a-435

C’mon Taylor, you can’t still be that surprised…that you won another award.

But regardless what my gut is telling me…I can’t dislike Taylor Swift. It’s impossible; I even feel a little guilty for trying to dislike her.

I suppose I’ll just give in & admit that I’m a swiftie. You’re probably one too – even if you don’t know it.

Seven Reasons You Can’t Dislike Taylor Swift

1.) She’s not pretty enough for us ladies to dislike her based solely on her looks**. (Yeah…that may sound vain, but I’m sure plenty of you girls know exactly what I’m talking about.) 

not that pretty taylor swift gif

2.) This Tweet.

taylor tweet

3.) She’s a good role model. If I had a daughter…Taylor isn’t so bad…when there’s also Miley. DISCLAIMER: I like Miley. I am almost 30. My rhetorical daughter is 8.

shut the fuck up taylor swift

…Totally classy…

4.) Last month she donated $50,000 to a children’s hospital in Philadelphia. Obviously, she has way more money than what she can spend…but she regularly donates to 26 other charities as well.
charity5.) She loves her cat…a lot.
taylor gif cat 
6.) There was this one time…she rapped with T-Pain…& her mom was in the video.
7.) Most importantly…(Yes, I like this more than charity…) She’s Awkward.

awkward gif taylor swift
Tell me this didn’t make you laugh… I won’t believe you.

Like…really awkward….which in turn – makes her totally likable. I’m done denying my adoration of T-Swift.

She’s kind of awesome.

love you guys taylor
& you love her too…

** I didn’t say she was ugly. I didn’t say she was unattractive. Relax.

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