Negative 20 Degrees? No Big Deal.

Will someone please start a petition for us folks over here in the tundra? I would, but… it seems like it could be a lot of work.

[via: eatpraywod.blogspot.com]
[via: eatpraywod.blogspot.com]
When it feels like -20 degrees, we should have the right to stay in the houses we’re paying to heat. If the weather man is acknowledging that the air… outside my [heated] house has potential to cause hypothermia – I do not care if the actual temperature is 3 degrees.

If you pay for short-term disability, I suggest you talk to your employer about utilizing that.

I’m thinking about trying to get a doctor’s note or something; it’s causing me pain. Leaving anywhere to go anywhere, when it’s this cold requires a pep talk…

It’s not that cold.    

[That’s it.]

Swing the door open, instantly my face hurts. My eyeballs attempt to adapt to the frigid

Me: If I was William H. Macy [via: giphy.com]
breeze & my cheeks are burning. The next thing that happens? Every single particle of warmness is sucked out of my body, throwing my lungs into shock. It never fails; I gasp like I just got sucker-punched. I love the relief of seeing the vehicle I’m quickly trekking to

…so I can get inside, where it’s ALSO FREEZING

My lower back starts to cramp up from hunching over like a little old lady; shivering just to make my blood move around. If I’m getting sore – please tell me I’m burning some serious calories in the process. Don’t even get me started talking about if I forget to empty my bladder before getting slapped with the -20 degrees; it’s like… an instant emergency.

I hate seeing people run outside when it’s like this. I will admit, I may be ignorant about winter running and this is coming from pure jealousy of the motivation, but…

Seriously… stop it. You can take a day off. 

I have dreams nightmares – if I don’t run into Target fast enough, my nose falls off from pure coldness & nothing more; slides right off. Does anyone in Alabama wake up to that?!

My Resting Bitch Face Sister: Kristen Stewart, Says…No. [Via: giphy.com]
They don’t. Why do I live here?

I Have A Bitch Face

In group settings where I’m surrounded by people who don’t know me, I have to be careful. I try to be conscious of my body language so it does not accessorize my non-smiling face – making me 100% unapproachable.

Uncross your arms, Jen… 

I wouldn’t say I have trouble making friends or anything, but I have a “Bitch Face” – and it makes it a little more tough.

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“You should really smile more.”

I do – when there’s reason to. I mean, it’s just not normal to go around smiling all the god damn time. That’d be creepy.

I think this “Bitch Face” is the same thing Kristen Stewart suffers from.

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It’s not easy…we were born this way.

My observing gets confused with judging; from afar my listening may appear as discontent. I really am a happy, nice person – I have a lot of kindness all up in me. Unfortunately you’ll either have to hold a conversation with me, or catch me after a Viking’s win to realize it.

The same questions get asked & the same answer is typically given.

No – I am not mad.

Yes – Everything is okay.

No – Nothing is bothering me. 

Yes – I’m sure.

“I thought you were such a bitch before…”

If I had a dollar for every time………………………………. you know.