The Five Truth Tellers

Leggings : Comfy-home-pants, running-to-target-pants, fancy-gathering-long-shirt pants, but most notably they are, here-are-my-ass-thighs-knees-and-calves-pants. There is no piece of attire that is acceptable to wear in public that leaves less to the imagination, with no skin neededThat’s how they’re justified by some (me, included) as appropriate to wear anywhere they want… screaming the truth, good or bad.

Drunk People : Ya know all those thoughts you keep to yourself because: a.) you’re a hoarder of feelings – all feelings, b.) it’s a rude thing to say – true or not – you know better, c.) it would directly impact your life negatively, should you share it, d.) all of the above … Alcohol has a way of releasing all of it to whoever is near. Suddenly you’ll trust anyone within a 15 foot radius (leaving room for a little wander) with all your shit.

If you’ve never done it, kudos…you were probably the one the rest of us were confiding in. Ah, the elixir of truth. 

Your Racist Grandma : You may not have one personally but you’ve all met one, or at the very least, heard the story from a co-worker. Racist Grandma is sweet and enduring…until she starts spouting racial slurs and profanity… in the cutest way possible. She doesn’t realize it’s 2015 and times have changed, so we all cut her a break and let her be. She’s harmless and truthful (to her own thoughts, not reality). Bless her soul.

Children : Simply speaking, they don’t know any better. Kids will point out your rolls by asking why your tummy is so lumpy; such gems, those little offsprings. THOSE ARE ROLLS, BECAUSE I EAT A LOT… OKAY?! Children truth-tellers have the ability to make you feel super great, or leave you staring back at a 3-4 foot-tall-being speechless and mildly offended. Ultimately, they cannot be faulted for not living long enough to have a grasp on a fucking awkward situation.

Bad Bitches : While alcohol can sometimes make every lady somewhat of a bad bitch, majority of us will never be real bad bitches. Most of us will stand from afar and look with wonder in our eyes. What’s it like? They tell the truth because they don’t give a fuck. It hurts your feelings? Tough. Bad Bitches be on a mission to say things exactly how they are …often times exaggerated……..and loud.

Bad bitches, don’t come at me for saying that. Please.

That’s all I’ll say.

I Do Not Fear Mental Illness – I Fear Our Perception Of It

I sat in a park in Menasha, Wisconsin by the water with my 8 year old son last night. It was beautiful…and scary. It wasn’t like this before. I found myself looking over my shoulder every time I heard voices coming in our direction. I kept a judgmental eye on people who seemed to be moving in a way that didn’t seem normal.

The typical safety I feel by being surrounded by a baseball diamond full of players & other folks enjoying the weather… was gone. It does not matter how many people you’re surrounded by when there could be one individual in the crowd who is unstable and battling an inner struggle that you or I cannot comprehend.

mental illness quote michelle obama

[Police: 4 dead, including suspect, in Menasha shooting]

At 7:30pm on May 3rd, 2015 in a park in Menasha, Wisconsin four people werementalillness killed, including an 11 year old girl.  Grief struck me last night as I sat with my son; I felt sadness for a child that will never experience life & for her mother who survived. I looked at my son, put my arm around him & realized I cannot protect him from a mentally ill person with a gun. When a human being is overcome with a negative shadow, rarely is an offense they commit planned out. Randomly, they seem to take their aggressiveness and feelings out on innocent people who never see it coming.

Gun control, gun control, gun control… in America we all have an opinion. We read about it, we talk and debate about it – if we, as a nation, discussed mental illness the way we ranted about gun control… we might get somewhere. But, the focus remains on a belonging, rather than people.

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I’ve always been an overly-analytical person, trying to understand things by dissecting every aspect of a scenario, regardless how big or small. While watching people in the park last night, I started to wonder how the shooter’s family and friends are grieving the loss of him.

Were there red flags that now haunt them? Had he attempted to reach out for professional help, what steps would have been taken by doctors… medication?  I can’t help but get angry when mental-illness is downplayed or not taken seriously.  We’re failing not only a person who has something terribly wrong with them… but we’re failing the 11 year old girl whose life got cut short.

Sitting in a quiet park in Wisconsin with my son, should be anything but an anxiety-ridden experience. The pleasantry of the trees finally being filled with green leaves & the sounds of kids running around, without a care in the world have been replaced with an uneasy pit in my stomach.mental health quote glenn close1

One & [Happily] Done.

In case you’re someone who hasn’t asked me yet, I have zero plans to create any more human beings. The words, ‘Perfectly Content’ come to mind when I think about the three person operation I have going on.

We have a dad, a mom and our 8 year old.

Being pregnant wasn’t a negative experience & has nothing to do with the choice I’ve made. I loved being pregnant. Growing a person inside your body is kind of an amazing experience & I’d totally do it again…If I didn’t have to be thrown back into infant parenting.

quoteHave you ever gotten married, and then told people you weren’t trying to make a
baby? It’s interesting. Depending on the person, the emotions vary. You have the really disappointed grandparents, the new-parent-friends who want to make sure you’re sure it’s the right decision & then there are the people who just stare at you – confused.

Allow me to explain:

My child is currently basking in his independence and we all love it. Why would I want to disrupt that?

He’s old enough to appreciate awesome day trips [that he’ll remember] and he can play outside without supervision.  He helps out around the house AND he’s fun to be around.

I was young when I had my human & I will be young when he moves out. I didn’t plan it this way; I thought I’d have more than one, but before we knew it he was eight years old. Who wants to start all over again when you’re about half way done?!

Let’s talk about money; I do not swim in it. I want to provide my son with as much security and awesomeness as possible. Unlike a lot of my generation, I don’t agree with bringing more children into the world when we’re not financially prepared for it.

I made that mistake once while it all worked out, I learned from it.

Our entire dynamic would change if an infant was introduced to our family. I don’t even remember what it’s like to have a baby. I don’t remember what it’s like to have a toddler. Having legit conversations with my offspring… it’s what I’ve gotten used to.

One & [Happily] Done.

Parental Perks

Sure, free spirits with no kids, I’m sure they’re having the time of their lives traveling, going out for happy hours & sleeping whenever they please. Sometimes I envy them; then I remember there are plenty of perks parents get that they do not.

It’s not a competition or anything, but…

  • If our house is messy, nobody really judges us for it [out loud].
  • We get to buy all the fun snacks (i.e. Fruit Roll-Ups, Gushers, Fruit Snacks…) for the kids and eat them all.

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  • When our kids are sick we get a day off from work.
  • Our kids pick up the dog poop and scoop cat boxes [& we do not].

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  • When we oversleep, we have children that wake us up.
  • We get way fewer hangovers. [At least we should…if you’re doing the parenting thing right].
  • We’re allowed to be a homebodies without being labeled as ‘anti-social’…because we have a kid at home.
  • Board games are fun.board game gif
  • We’re never lonely. Ever. Even if we want to be. [Pros & Cons]
  • All those things we wish we got to do as children…we can encourage our kids to do it & live vicariously through them. [In a healthy way/not a dance-moms kinda way].
  • In extreme situations, we have a built in excuse for anything: 

Sorry, couldn’t get a babysitter.

  • We get an extra birthday [mother’s/father’s day]… every year.
  • Live-in cheerer-upper. Our kids hate seeing us sad.giphy (2)

So, enjoy your sleep kidless folks… it’s not so bad being a parent.

I’m A Mom

I was driving down the road last week & got behind a minivan that had a bumper sticker that said, “Condoms Prevent Minivans”… Hilarious, right?? Instantly, I wanted to be friends with that person. In case you’re wondering…I proudly drive a minivan; after all…I’M A MOM.

  • Nobody can fold a shirt the way I can.
  • I’ve lost my ability to stay awake past 10:30PM comfortably.
  • My idea of, “date-night” consists of stand-up comedy…on the TV with take-out.
  • Poo, vomit & other bodily fluids don’t gross me out.
  • I prefer my house to anywhere else.
  • I’m often heard saying words like, ‘Shhhhiiioot’& ‘Fuuuucdge’ when put into predicaments.
  • My ability to speak in code is pretty impressive.
  • I don’t remember the last long phone conversation I had that wasn’t regarding a bill or an appointment.
  • 2 glasses of wine & you can call me tipsy. (Who am I kidding? One…)
  • I’ve dropped over $50 on a (singular) teddy-bear.
  • “Because… I said so” is a regular, everyday statement.
  • I’m very sleepy.
  • Running an errand by myself makes me feel young again.
  • I do homework.
  • I’m the dishwasher.
  • I’m the go-to person in my house when something is lost.
  • I’m often forced to decide to delete my show or Pokemon when the DVR gets filled.
  • I “silly-dance” just to hear perfect laughter.
  • My heart travels outside of my body.
  • I’m a Teacher, Accountant, Manager & Chef.
  • I turn down my music down when I get to a stop light.
  • I’ve pretended to be a dinosaur, a train, a horse & a tickle monster.
  • If I wake in the middle of the night, I get up – groggy & make sure everyone is still breathing.
  • I’m excited to buy things that are not for myself.
  • I’m a protector.
  • My house is not spotless, but that’s just fine.
  • I kiss open wounds.
  • Other beings happiness comes before my own.
  • I get paid with love.

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