Properly Ridiculous Politics

This one time I wrote a post announcing a new blog that would house my political rants and raves. Gosh, that was an exciting thought…

…Aaaaaand then I fell down a rabbit hole of conspiracy theories.

I don’t want to wind up dead because I got a little too analytical. Not that I think this blog would be so wildly successful, more that I’d just rather not start down a whirlwind of political madness that makes my head spin.

It can’t be healthy.

 

For everyone asking, this is where I’m at with politics at the moment.

I wrote a post that covered a plethora of [nasty] things I trust more than Donald Trump. If you’d like to see the list of things I trust more than Hillary Clinton, Click Here.

It’s all the same.

The 2016 election has already brought me to both the highest of highs and lowest of lows, so congratulations United States Government, I’m officially back to believing my vote actually doesn’t matter anymore. Call me a conspiracy theorist, call me crazy, but there’s something much larger than the American government pulling the strings. There are people whose wealth hold such a significant strength that it is beyond your imagination. You and I? We can’t compete with that.

I’ll place my vote this coming November and I’ll watch the coverage,  beyond that, I will not be committing any further enthusiasm towards politics.

I’m over it.

An Open Letter To Donald Trump Supporters

Dear American Citizens Who Support Donald Trump,

Are you listening to this man? Beyond the feeding with a golden spoon, Donald Trump doesn’t tell you anything more than I could – only I have no golden spoon. I watch him dodge questions and change the subject every…single…time he’s asked anything; if he is forced to stay on topic, he uses the same rhetoric every single time.

I’m the best at ___________.

___________ love me.

I have a plan for ___________. I’m gonna fix it.

You see, the thing is, he started it.

Nobody respects ___________ as much as I do.

Do none of you care how he intends to do anything? I have not heard a single response that gives me any reassurance that he’s capable of leading our country.  Hell, I wouldn’t trust him to pick up a loaf of bread from the store for me and you want him to be in charge of the free world.

… I just don’t get it.

You hold signs up at his rally that read, “The Silent Majority” – is that something to be proud of? Do you feel good about that statement? I’m wondering what it is you have been silent about… Asians? Disabled people? Muslims? Women? Blacks? Mexicans? Abortion? Thank God Trump has stood up and spoken for you – you all seem so grateful with your hate on full display.

Maybe some of you just need a hug to remember what compassion feels like.

A lot of you are walking into Trump’s Self Serve Yogurt Hate Bar, filling your cups and raving about how delicious it is. Whether you fill your hate cup with Blacks sprinkled with a few chunks of Muslim, or your hate of choice is Women topped with a few Mexican morsels … I have a hard time believing you don’t have a favorite flavor when I find out you support this guy.

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Just smearin’ the hate all over the place…

Mr. Trump has made a point to change his position on abortion THREE times in THREE hours. That’s insane, can we at least agree on that? He has been Pro-Choice for years and years and years; if your candidate wants to switch his position to Pro-Life that’s his right, but why? [That’s hypothetical; I don’t need to know why, I just want him to know the reason for shifting especially if he feels women should be punished for having one.

I find it hard to believe Donald Trump, the man you are supporting for president had any intention of actually becoming the nominee for the white house. He wanted to rile up the system and the Republican party. I’m sure many of you have children, how about a daughter?  Do you think Donald Trump goes to bed at night hoping for a better future for your kids?

This is a man who won’t allow his ego to stop. Donald Trump does not lose.

dt

Wow.

Him… alone, can take out ISIS; that’s intense. Your preferred candidate believes he has super hero powers. Additionally, he exaggerated the number of casualties – perhaps I’m being overly bias, since I already believe he’s a lunatic, but he grabbed onto a tragedy and attempted to spin it in his favor with lies and more empty promises. There are things that money cannot buy – common sense, reasonable ideas and compassion for example.

How did Bernie Sanders end up with the radical, out-of-this-world reputation while Donald Trump continues to dominate mainstream media? Any off the wall comment he makes is repeated 3,453 times in 24 hours. At this point, I have to believe there are a lot of you who support trump based on name recognition alone.

I liked him on The Apprentice.

He says it like it is.

He’s not part of the establishment.

We that kind of power in the White House.

Those are real answers I’ve been given when I try to have a conversation with one of you. All I want is to have an educated debate, or even just a somewhat sane, rational non-argument with a Trump supporter. I know I’ve asked you a lot of questions so I’ll cut you a break and leave you with one final inquiry and it’s the only one I really want an answer to.

So I ask you, Trump supporter, What is your favorite Trump policy and how many times have you heard Mr. Trump speak on the issue?

The floor is yours.

Confirmed: Ben Carson Is Actually Dumb

I remember thinking for 2.5 seconds that Ben Carson might have some good ideas. Ultimately, it was his weird tone and shifty eyes that officially made him unelectable in my own realm of political judgement.

ben carson

I forget that not everyone is enthusiastically watching CNN like a maniac. If you didn’t have the pleasure of hearing the strange monotone words Dr. Carson spoke, I’m not surprised.

My favorite Ben Carson moment was during a debate in Houston where he hopped on the mic, out of turn, and politely asked one of his opponents to attack him so he’d have an opportunity to speak.

He earned some humor points but unfortunately, for the retired Neurosurgeon, I do not support a candidate based on their ability to deliver a successful joke. Can we talk about that for a second? Neurosurgeon? I’m sure he is very smart (and not technically dumb). Ben Carson has saved lives…surprising, but kudos to him for that.

In the meantine, he’s endorsed Donald Trump for President which only confirmed this growing suspicion that Ben Carson might actually be really dumb. I recently shared 12 things that I trust more than Mr. Trump, which included rusty razors and vodka, I don’t like the guy. I don’t understand why so many do; as for Ben Carson, I think they shared an awkward moment that meant something to him.

They’ll always have that.

Oh, and I also think Donald promised his weird little buddy, Ben, a place in his administration. Education, if we’re going off what Mr. Trump says about Mr. Carson’s ‘expertise’ on the matter. If you feel so inclined, I encourage you to check out Ben Carson’s website. Citing a 2012 study regarding America’s rank in mathematics among other countries hardly makes him appear to be an expert on education.

Donald Trump and Ben Carson, the odd couple. I can’t take this madness anymore.

awkward donald ben

(Feel The Bern, People.)

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Ben Carson Slowly Floats Away From Earth

12 Things I Trust More Than Donald Trump

1: Rusty Razors: If I had to choose to shave my body with rusty razors for four years or have Trump as our leader – I’d take my chances.

RUSTY RAZOR
via: thebeautebuzz.com

2: Beetlejuice

Ah. Well… I attended Juilliard… I’m a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I’ve seen the EXORCIST ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT… NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU’RE TALKING TO A DEAD GUY… NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK? You think I’m qualified?

That makes more sense than over half of the nonsense that comes out of Donald Trump’s mouth. Yes, Beetlejuice – you’re qualified to run for President of the United States of America.

beetlejuice
via: giphy.com

3: Fortune Cookies: Even when I put ‘in bed’ after the fortune the probability of the outcome not letting me down has to be far less than a Trump Administration.

fortune cookie
via: etsy.com

4: Bill Cosby: I’m confronted by Donald and Bill, both offer me a beverage and I’m going with Bills, I think he would appreciate it more.

bill cosby
via: giphy.com

5: Brian Williams: I heard he was at Donald Trump’s wedding and flies on his private jet on the regular – it crashed once. If we could tally the number of lies between the two of them – Mr. Williams would have less.

jon stewart brian williams.png
via: evilletimes.blogspot.com

6: Yellow Snow: I’d let my kid, and yours, eat yellow snow and fear less for his well being than a future with Donald Trump as president.

7: My Asshole Cat: No matter how many times he knocks my glass of water on my head while I’m sleeping, I trust him more than Donald Trump.

JERK CAT.gif
via: giphy.com

8: Black Licorice: Not everyones cup o’ tea, much like Donald… but no harm comes from enjoying a box of Good & Plenty.

9: Vodka: After consumption my behavior becomes questionable. Vodka does not have my best interest in mind, much like Donald, but at the end of the night it helps me sleep better – something Mr. Trump will never be able to do.

vodka
via: meh.ro

10: The Potato Salad That’s Been Sitting In The Sun For Hours: Sure, I might get a stomachache and upchuck but that is also guaranteed if Trump wins the nominee or the election.

11: The squirrel Darting Back And Forth In The Street: Unlike Donald Trump, I trust Mr. Squirrel will be held accountable for his actions and if he ends up lucky, I’ll be happy for it.

squi
“Vote For Me”

12: Smeagol, from Lord of the Rings: I endorse Smeagol.

Come on Hobbits. Long ways to go yet. Smeagol will show the way.