Election Humor: Because We Need It

So, I’ve been pretty serious lately with the political posts – from Donald to Hillary I’ve managed to make Properly Ridiculous about the election, once again, after I said I was going to stop. I might have even promised.

I apologize.

To show you my obsession with politics is still in full swing good faith that this whole thing will be over soon I’ve compiled a bunch of things for you to laugh at.

Enjoy.

Donald Trump cannot stop sniffling. I think he’s probably tried to stop snorting coke but it’s impossible at this point.

Yum.

Oh, Bill. I cannot begin to imagine his excitement.

If anyone was wondering how I felt when my main man, Bernie Sanders was no longer in the race.

Additionally…

The last debate provided the American people with a new hero. Congratulations, Mr.  Ken Bone… you made it. #BoneAppleTea

Can we make this happen before November 28th?

The kids are out of control.

When all is said and done, we will still have everyone’s food to look at on Facebook.

Less than a month, folks. Hang in there – you’re doing great.

Dear Donald Trump — Open Letters For The Better

There was a time, not long ago I thought I might actually vote for you. I felt so betrayed by the democratic party that I too, wanted to stick it to ’em and I mean… how bad can you really be? It’s not like you’ll have access to a big shiny red button that has the […]

via Dear Donald Trump — Open Letters For The Better

I’m a Bernie Sanders Supporter … Now What?

When I jumped head first into the political pond, which is actually more of an infested slimy swamp, I had few opinions. I caught wind of this senator from Vermont and he made me feel optimistic and since I was so taken aback by this guy, all along I assumed that majority of the American people would eventually jump on this Bernie train with me and we’d all ride off into the sunset…

Instead, I find myself wishing I lived in Australia where I could comfortably, with no fear of being shot by a stranger, be popping popcorn into my mouth while this madness unfolds. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d ever feel heartbroken over a political process.

I do feel like Bernie Sanders was treated unfairly and I do not care if you think I’m simply being a sore loser.

Harvard released a study that confirmed that while Bernie Sanders was out making history the majority of the republican nominees were the ones getting the coverage. Five Republican contenders—‘Trump, Bush, Cruz, Rubio, and Carson—each had more news coverage than Sanders during the invisible primary. Clinton got three times more coverage than he did.

I’ve watched Bernie Sanders speeches get cut off mid-sentence for commercial breaks – while he is talking to a stadium with record breaking attendance. Is that not news?

Meanwhile, Google suggests that perhaps you’re looking to find information regarding Hillary Clinton India rather than Hillary Clinton Indictment. Which is really ironic, considering if you dig into the public demographics of the Google searches, the number of people who search for Hillary Clinton India are significantly less than the other.

Go ahead and try it for yourselves.

I searched on Google first because it’s synced to my phone with Android which is also connected to my Chrome browser – I mean – who even uses Yahoo! anymore?

CNN quickly published an article explaining the logic. Basically, Google is super smart and the other search engines (every single one) do not meet Google’s level of technical filtering abilities. Or, just throwing this out there, it could be that Time Warner owns CNN and also happens to be a top contributor to Hillary Clinton’s campaign – investing over $600,000. But I’m no expert, just a crazy Bernie supporter.

Whether the process was rigged or fair and square, we now have to deal with the outcome. I do not want to place a vote for Hillary Clinton and I can say with confidence that I will never place a vote for Donald Trump. I’m left here hoping there is still another option. I trust the guy so I’ll wait for the convention, see what he has to say and go from there.

What I do know is that the revolution is not stopping with this election. We’ve got a progressive army ready to run for local and state government with these radical ideas in their pockets. Less than 24 hours after U.S. Sen. Bernie Sanders called on his supporters to run for office at the local or state level, nearly 6,700 people have signed up.

For those solely depending on mainstream media, you may have missed that part of Bernie’s plan.

The point is change can come about, but it only comes about when millions of people are actively involved in political struggle; the billionaires may have the money, but we have the people.

-Bernie Sanders

For now… I’m stickin’ with the #StillSanders crowd.

12 Things I Trust More Than Donald Trump

1: Rusty Razors: If I had to choose to shave my body with rusty razors for four years or have Trump as our leader – I’d take my chances.

RUSTY RAZOR
via: thebeautebuzz.com

2: Beetlejuice

Ah. Well… I attended Juilliard… I’m a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I’ve seen the EXORCIST ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT… NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU’RE TALKING TO A DEAD GUY… NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK? You think I’m qualified?

That makes more sense than over half of the nonsense that comes out of Donald Trump’s mouth. Yes, Beetlejuice – you’re qualified to run for President of the United States of America.

beetlejuice
via: giphy.com

3: Fortune Cookies: Even when I put ‘in bed’ after the fortune the probability of the outcome not letting me down has to be far less than a Trump Administration.

fortune cookie
via: etsy.com

4: Bill Cosby: I’m confronted by Donald and Bill, both offer me a beverage and I’m going with Bills, I think he would appreciate it more.

bill cosby
via: giphy.com

5: Brian Williams: I heard he was at Donald Trump’s wedding and flies on his private jet on the regular – it crashed once. If we could tally the number of lies between the two of them – Mr. Williams would have less.

jon stewart brian williams.png
via: evilletimes.blogspot.com

6: Yellow Snow: I’d let my kid, and yours, eat yellow snow and fear less for his well being than a future with Donald Trump as president.

7: My Asshole Cat: No matter how many times he knocks my glass of water on my head while I’m sleeping, I trust him more than Donald Trump.

JERK CAT.gif
via: giphy.com

8: Black Licorice: Not everyones cup o’ tea, much like Donald… but no harm comes from enjoying a box of Good & Plenty.

9: Vodka: After consumption my behavior becomes questionable. Vodka does not have my best interest in mind, much like Donald, but at the end of the night it helps me sleep better – something Mr. Trump will never be able to do.

vodka
via: meh.ro

10: The Potato Salad That’s Been Sitting In The Sun For Hours: Sure, I might get a stomachache and upchuck but that is also guaranteed if Trump wins the nominee or the election.

11: The squirrel Darting Back And Forth In The Street: Unlike Donald Trump, I trust Mr. Squirrel will be held accountable for his actions and if he ends up lucky, I’ll be happy for it.

squi
“Vote For Me”

12: Smeagol, from Lord of the Rings: I endorse Smeagol.

Come on Hobbits. Long ways to go yet. Smeagol will show the way.