Where have you been?

I actually meant me… not you. Where have I been? Clearly not here, seeing as my last post was in July and while I sit here pretending to be baffled as to why it went so long, I’m well aware. I know exactly where I’ve been and it includes a few things I’m not super proud of.

I mean, it’s not all television related. I also really love to nap, which is something I have always been very open about.

I like to think of it as going on an adventure, as a vivid dreamer I refuse to downplay my nap as simple sleep.

When the keyboard and I have spent quality time together, we’ve been working on my book that will (fingers crossed) be finished by summer. There’s a constant struggle between thinking the words I’m coming up with are borderline genius or complete garbage. Writing is hard, and I’m not going to say anything else about it because I refuse to make this about promises, guarantees, or anything that is not just throwing some shit out there because it’s been a minute.

If I had not been so lazy, and prioritized my time better, there are a few things I would have maybe written about between July of last year and now – so I’ll run through a condensed version of what I probably would have had to say.

  1. My kid started middle school and the only thing I’ll touch on here is that I always thought this parenting thing would get easier as my child got older and independent. Apparently, his ability to make his own breakfast, and stay home alone does not have anything to do with my fears surrounding every single thing that is now out of my control. With that being said he still tells me I look pretty before I go to work, and I have yet to hear him cuss, which if you know me, that’s a fucking miracle.
  2. The Vikings let me down again.
  3. A dog showed up on our doorstep one day, found out her name was Rudy after I’d lovingly called her Brenda for a few days. An adorable little puggle who scarfed food so fast she choked it back up and then ate it again. We started coming up with stories for her like she traveled all this way because she was clearly starving – when in all reality she lives the next block over, and “that’s just how she eats”. I’ve never reunited a dog with anyone before, but I hope I get to do it again at some point.
  4. I voted in the midterm elections and I hope you did too.
  5. I participated in another Storycatchers event and had all the feels while I was up on the stage again. There really is something indescribable about having all eyes on you and swallowing up every single reaction you’re able to catch a glimpse of while you tell your story into a microphone.
Storycatchers/Theme: Unreliable Narrator

So, it’s January. Hopefully, I’ll find myself here before July 2019. If not, I’m sure I’m working on my book, and not making sure I’ve watched every single episode of Dateline that’s ever aired.

I Always Thought I Was Just Modest

If there are people out there who are confident in the vast majority of what they attempt – are those the ones we all call arrogant? Can someone refuse recognition & still be confident or is that a tell-tale sign?

So many questions…

The daily prompt today is to pen something that reflects whether I spew confidence or if I am affected by a “psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments called, Impostor Syndrome”.

I always thought I was just modest.  

Excuses are something I’m good at making. I am very capable of internalizing my excuse making abilities as an actual accomplishment at times; so, maybe I don’t have Impostor Syndrome after all.

See what I did there?

I’m uncertain that I suffer from this, Impostor Syndrome, but I am quite certain indeed, that excuses can be sneaky little things. It’s the “yeah…but…” excuse that I choose to utilize most when someone feels the need to grace me with some nice words.

Yeah…But…It’s not that hard.”

I will accept a compliment in my head, even appreciate it – but I quickly let the deliverer know that it wasn’t necessary to point out. It’s absolutely possible to be confident in yourself while rejecting the words of others. The ability to vocalize my accomplishments is not strength of mine – but that doesn’t make me an unconfident individual.

Quite possibly, I am more dismissive of the delivery of nice words than I am of the actual words themselves.

After talking this out (with myself…), I’ve made the determination that I will not self diagnose myself with, Impostor Syndrome. I’m not sure that my way of accepting and dismissing recognition has a name, or how many other people like me there are.

But, I’m okay with it.