Peanut Not Penis, Google.

So yeah…this happened while my child attempted to utilize voice search on my tablet.

google voice search gone wrong peanut butter m&ms

In addition… one of my favorite features of Google Voice Search is that it [loudly] repeats what you ask for. My kid can not unhear that nor, do I want him to ask me why Google just said Penis Butter M&Ms.

Thanks, Google. I’ll make sure I have him work on proper annunciation for next time.

Until then…

WHAT SHAPE IS THE EARTH, GOOGLE?

[Nothing to mishear there.]

Google Search: Not Child Friendly

My 7 year old son wanted to Google Search Pokemon & Yugioh cards.

[I attempted to put the accent on that ‘e’… But, I’m on my phone and it seemed like a lot of work…]

I’m in a transitional stage of learning how I’m supposed to parent a big kid rather than a little kid. I was sitting right there…  What could possibly happen? I have this shit under control.

That’s what I thought.

This…

image

Is what can happen when you let your 7 year old use Google Image Search for Pokemon combined with Yugioh.
This…

image

Is the one that caught his eye…

Ohhh… My… Goodness. I was not prepared for him to sound that one out.

That is not a Pokemon card, kiddo…

Please don’t ever say that again.

Note to self: Google Image Search doesn’t give a crap how old the searcher is; regardless what they’re searching for.

Writing Calendar, Writing Opportunities & Writing Madness

When I made the decision to start a blog…I’ll be honest… I had no clue what “blogging” all entailed. I jumped in very uneducated but with an open mind. I thought, I have some things to say – and I believe some people might agree with me & who knows?… Maybe people could enjoy it, even if they don’t. I’ve written before about how awesome this whole community is. I’ve made amazing friendships, I’ve challenged myself to try new styles of writing & been given a pretty awesome opportunity. 

Which brings me here…

I’m so excited to share that I have been asked to be the Minnesota Vikings writer for the website, Onside Chick. Football season is quickly approaching – and I couldn’t be anymore ready for it. I will be contributing to the website by writing Minnesota Viking’s game recaps & game predictions for my men in purple. My first article, about the new Minnesota Vikings Stadium was posted last week & I’m feeling [unusually] proud of myself. I’m super stoked to be part of a group of girls who love football. This website is a place where ladies (or men…I suppose) can go if they want to learn more about the game, get weekly updates on any team, player injury updates, receive some fantasy football tips….you get the idea. Go check ‘er out!

In other news… I discovered Google Docs this week. Why have I never explored this before?! Why has no one told me to peek in there and see what it’s all about? If I had to place the blame somewhere, I guess I’d put it on Google+. I do not know a single person who utilizes Google+ & I’m assuming I’ve just been throwing all the other Google “apps” in with it. Outta sight – outta mind.

So, anyway… Google Docs.

I found a pretty spectacular Blogging Calendar Template. It pretty much looks exactly like what I’ve been trying to come up with on my own for the past month. Literally, I just clicked “open” …and there it was. A fully completed editorial calendar (even nicely colored)…ready for my ideas to fill the spaces. I’m a bit annoyed it took this long – but I’m happy to say that I officially have a schedule for my writing & I’d like to share it with you…not so much because I know you’re just dying to know, but more so to hold myself accountable. 

Mondays

stfu

I tend to be a bit more bitter on Mondays (as most people do)…in honor of that bitterness I’ve decided that I am going to dedicate this day to Seriously, STFU. If you’d like to check out past, STFU Posts…

Seriously, STFU: Dear Fatty Edition

Seriously, STFU : Botched Execution Edition

Tuesdays

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I’m a mom & I think I’m a pretty good one. My son is a 7 year old redheaded spitfire who gives me things to write about for days. If you’d like to check out past parenthood posts…

The Tooth Fairy Gives Cash Bonus’ For Pain & Bad Decisions.

Bittersweet Independence 

I Created A Human

Wednesdays

funny-hump-day-camel-ad1

I’m sticking with my Hump Day Humor. Hump Day is a day to celebrate and be happy that we’ve almost made it through another week.  If You’d like to check out past, Hump Day Humor Posts…

Hump Day Humor #1

Hump Day Humor #5

Hump Day Humor #10

Thursdays

nfl-logo

Did you know that I love football? I wasn’t sure if I’d mentioned that yet…I do not only love my Minnesota Vikings – but the entire NFL as a whole makes my world go round. My blog would not be complete without a day dedicated to the sport. I plan to provide you with some lovely NFL Goodness. If you’d like to check out past NFL Goodness Posts…

Minnesota Vikings 2014-2015 Season – Let’s Keep The Glass Half Full

5 Reasons Why I Love Football (& Why More Ladies Should)

Dear Mr. Brett Favre

Fridays

funeral

My last Hump Day Humor focused on me hopping back onto my healthy train. I’ve been working out daily, tracking my grub on My Fitness Pal (which is a spectacular resource by the way…) & I’m going to dedicate Fridays to #FridayFitness. I’m by no means a health nut, nor do I claim to always make the healthiest choices. I’m just a working mama trying to stick around as long as possible… 

Saturdays & Sundays

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The weekend will be for nothing but pure randomness. I’ve been dabbling in some creative writing, short stories, poetry…and sometimes I just have some opinions that don’t fit here or there. 

I want to make sure I am prepared for this writing schedule, so I plan to go live with it Monday July 21, 2014. Drafts are being written and I’m starting to feel like a real blogger.

…fancy that. 

Sig

One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others

I am 3 months into my blogging adventure & I’m having a jolly good time checking out all the different elements of the “Stats”…

I logged into Google Webmaster Tools the other day to see what kind of searches are pulling up my blog & they all totally made sense – except one. Screenshot_2014-04-25-21-38-38-1I’m sure you know which one I’m referring to.

Who was searching that & why? Were they concerned that it may be a real problem? I wish I could have provided them with the answer they were seeking…but I doubt they were looking for my singular reference to boobs that I can think of…

Silly nonetheless.