Hillary Has Jokes For Days

When did Hillary get so funny?

Anyone who knows me, or has read my political rants, is well aware that I am no fan of the woman. Maybe though (a hard maybe), if she was this hilarious on the campaign trail a few more people would have taken more of a liking to her. I enjoy a good dose of sarcasm and shade… this whole Covfefe thing has really brought out the best in the woman.

And not just once…

Capture

Twice.

So, yeah… I’ve been trying to be more positive lately and here’s my go at it for the day. Hillary, you made me laugh and for that – I do not dislike you (today).

Who Are You Voting For?

It’s a question I’ve been getting asked as election day creeps up on us.

When it comes to the two most likely candidates, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, I still have no idea who’s more evil or how their presidency will effect my family. To put it simply, I believe they both have agendas that are bigger than you or I could imagine.

An avid Bernie Sanders supporter, his sign is still in my front yard and stickers still on my vehicle. Right now, it’s easy to say that I’ve never been more proud; anyone who drives past me, or my house knows that I had nothing to do with this mess we’re in.

I wanted something different, I still do.

Breaking it down to the bare minimum, we have a Republican candidate whose ego is larger than any desire to make this country great again and we have a Democratic candidate who voted for the Iraq war and fixed the primaries.

There were times in recent months I considered voting for both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. More than both, I wanted to write in Bernie Sanders. Why not? That’s who I want as my president and it’s my vote. Unfortunately, none of the above allow me to vote with my conscience. Those options do not satisfy me. What mark on the ballot will help me sleep at night? Writing in Bernie Sanders is where my heart is, but my vote has more power somewhere else.

I am going green, Dr. Jill Stein has my vote.

Yes. I know she will not win, at this point the goal is so much bigger than the 2016 general election. Jill Stein needs only 5% of the national vote to qualify the Green Party for recognition as an official national party and receive federal funding in the 2020 election year.

Americans like to badger the two-party system and talk loud in regards to the corruption and the big, bad politicians but the same folks aren’t willing to take their blinders off. This has been an election fueled by fear. I have met few people that actually support the candidate they’re voting for – they just hate the other one so much.

While my dreams of Senator Sanders as our next president will not come true, I can to use my right to vote in a way that stands tall. I will not place my vote out of fear. I will not place my vote for the lesser of the two evils. I will not allow the media and political commercials to make me feel ashamed for doing what I feel is right.

When I walk out of the polling place and post my I Voted sticker on Instagram – I refuse to feel any shame because no vote is a wasted vote, regardless what Fox News or CNN told you.

“Casting a ballot for the lesser evil in a corrupt and failing two-party system — which only promises more of the same — is the very definition of a wasted vote. In contrast, every vote for Stein/Baraka and the Green Party is a true investment in the future. A majority of Americans are disgusted with the political farce we are enduring. They are desperate for a principled alternative to the predatory bipartisan establishment, and seek a positive path out of the two-party trap. Investing your vote in a 5-percent victory for the Green Party can make it happen.”

– Jill Stein, via press release.

10 Things We All Thought During The Last Presidential Debate

Unless you’re 100% pro Donald Trump or 100% pro Hillary Clinton, you more than likely had at least a few of these thoughts while trying to stomach the final Presidential Debate.

[1] Is this real life?

[2] First, Bigly is not a word. Second, you told the American people that we can expect, ‘very much better trade deals with Mexico.’ Is English your second language?  Were you even born here?

bigly
via/imgur.com

[3] Chris Wallace, I know he’s from Fox News but this thank you, sir moment proved it.

[4] It’s tough, can you do it?

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¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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[5]”We’ve never had a foreign government trying to interfere in our election.” -Hillary

American People: I guess that’s a domestic thing.

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Bye, Bye Bernie!                                  via/giphy.com

[6] Why didn’t you say it Hillary? We were all waiting…

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via/thequint.com

[7] Can someone in the Trump camp let Donald know it’s more of a hard CH – less G. CHina… not, ‘Gina?

[8] Moderator: I’m getting this over with in four minutes, two a piece.

Donald, did ya grab the nine women by the….?

And Hillary, Donald thinks your husband is despicable.

Ready, Go! 

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via/giphy.com

[9] Donald Trump: Bernie Sanders said you have bad judgment. I agree.

Hillary Clinton: … as he has campaigned for me around the country, stating that you are the most dangerous person to run for president in the modern history of America. I think he’s right.

So, Bernie Sanders (still) has the best judgement?

giphy-2via/democraticunderground.com

[10] And here we are, folks. 

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Just fuck me up fam. @mybestiesays

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Election Humor: Because We Need It

So, I’ve been pretty serious lately with the political posts – from Donald to Hillary I’ve managed to make Properly Ridiculous about the election, once again, after I said I was going to stop. I might have even promised.

I apologize.

To show you my obsession with politics is still in full swing good faith that this whole thing will be over soon I’ve compiled a bunch of things for you to laugh at.

Enjoy.

Donald Trump cannot stop sniffling. I think he’s probably tried to stop snorting coke but it’s impossible at this point.

Yum.

Oh, Bill. I cannot begin to imagine his excitement.

If anyone was wondering how I felt when my main man, Bernie Sanders was no longer in the race.

Additionally…

The last debate provided the American people with a new hero. Congratulations, Mr.  Ken Bone… you made it. #BoneAppleTea

Can we make this happen before November 28th?

The kids are out of control.

When all is said and done, we will still have everyone’s food to look at on Facebook.

Less than a month, folks. Hang in there – you’re doing great.

Dear Hillary: An Open Letter

Dear Hillary Clinton,

I’ll get right down to it, I want to like you.

The idea of a woman holding such power is exciting and while the desire is present, I can’t like you even a little bit. It’s not because you stayed with your cheating husband or because you fairly received the nomination against my preferred candidate, Bernie Sanders; I simply don’t like you because you’re sketchy as f***.

It’s too bad there is not a more eloquent way of wording that, but nothing sums it up better.

I would love the opportunity to be petty and ask about the odd Kim Jong-un inspired wardrobe you rock or about the snaky relationship you have with Debbie Wasserman Schultz, but there are other things that have been weighing on me that seem to be more pressing.

Your Media depicts you as the safer of the two candidates but I’m not sure that’s true. I’ve been wavering for some time now, trying to like you, and occassionally these ideas creep in to deliver frightening thoughts, like:

Maybe Donald Trump is less risky.

howmyfriendslookatme
[How my friends look at me when I say that.]
You, Hillary, scare the flip outta me and to be honest I don’t even think it’s personal, in general, sketchy people make me uncomfortable.

The video that everyone is talking about makes me especially uncomfortable.

I wasn’t expecting to watch you stammer and ultimately get drug, calves-on-pavement, into a vehicle while secret service calmly swarm to protect your privacy. Their somber faces seemed to give it away  – that was protocol. In the event that you start acting wonky, they know exactly how to proceed and that’s sketchy.

I have to assume that while you’re resting up that there’s plenty of time for you to check out the latest rumor that started circling around regarding your possible body double?

To that, Secretary Clinton, I ask you to prove that it’s not.

That is how much I don’t trust you. I’ve started to actually believe conspiracy theories; you’re making me feel crazy! These people pointing out the differences in your attire, wrinkles, nose, ears and fingers make more sense to me than pneumonia.

When all is said and done, know that I tried.

I did my best to look past the primaries, those damn e-mails and the Blackberry’s that were smashed with hammers…

…But, I can’t.

I don’t even know what’s real, what’s staged or where this country is headed. If you’re elected into office, or not, please don’t hold this against me.

Jen