The Communal Bathroom At Work Is The Best

-Said no one, EVER.

I do not like plunging other people’s shit, especially co-workers. Even my kid tries to plunge his own unnaturally large craps himself – with a towel – [but that’s another story.]

I enjoy most everyone I work with; it’s a small office with 20ish people going to the bathroom, multiple times a day. A point has been reached and I can no longer sit and be quiet. If I’m being honest, it concerns me what some of their personal bathrooms look like at home.

So we’re clear, I’m not curious – I do not want to see…it’s just concerning.

I’ve learned that what I thought was either public knowledge or common courtesy regarding a communal bathroom is obviously not. For starters, we all poop… it’s a fact of life that I, personally, have learned to deal with. When you do your business in a communal bathroom there are a few things to remember.giphy (2)

1.) Spray some damn air freshener. I’d rather smell poop & berries over  your regular old nasty shit.

2.) Make sure it flushes. Assuming everyone is a grownup that’s using this toilet – I’m sure you know what a clogged toilet does. FIX IT. Nobody in the office gets paid for that.

3.) Make sure you don’t leave a poop stain anywhere on the toilet. This includes the seat AND the inside of the bowl. I do not give two shits [pun intended] if you have to put your hand in the toilet bowl water – get rid of it.

4.) There is no need to try and conceal the fact you poo’d. Keep the fan on and close the damn door on your way out. [Do NOT turn the light off and leave the door wide open, pretending you didn’t just stink the place up, for people to walk by and be forced to waft your nastiness into their noses.]

Now, since we are all pooping… obviously we’re all using toilet paper.giphy (3)

Hypothetically speaking, let’s say you  are using the facilities and there are approximately 2 squares of toilet paper on the roll. It is safe to say, whoever was in there before you is an inconsiderate asshole.

Regardless what you’re wiping, 2 squares doesn’t cut it. I change the toilet paper roll constantly at my house: for the man I married and the kid I birthed… I don’t want to do it for my coworkers.

In addition to the communal bathroom, in many offices you also share a communal kitchen area. THIS IS WHY YOU WASH YOUR HANDS. If you want to spread your bathroom germs all over your desk, keyboard…whatever – that’s your [less-than-desirable] decision – but don’t force them upon people you work with & their lunch.

giphy (4)

I give full permission for professionals to print this and hang it in their communal bathrooms.

Hump Day Humor #14

In case you were unaware – Today is Arnold Palmer’s 85th birthday. I’m not much of a golf fan – but I do love lemonade & ice tea mixed together – so thank you for that, Mr. Palmer. 

In honor – I’ve decided to wish him a Happy Birthday with some golf humor for this edition of Hump Day Humor.

awkward

 “Oh hey…Congrats!…………..juuust kidding – I’ll wait.”

 idiot

This guy is an idiot. Everyone knows you need to check behind you before you swing a golf club…Just because the ball is soft the club is still real…and that girl can tell ya all about it.

.ownstyle

 Everyone has there own style – if it works for him…good.

  whataretheodds

 What are the odds, really?

whoaaa

 I have no idea what’s going on here – but they will never let that guy live that down – and rightfully so.

savetheday

Every golfing group should have a well versed golf cart driver to take over when things get outta control… I hear a few of them work for the NFL.

whoops

 As if he wasn’t already embarrassed enough by his initial terrible shot…

Thats a trophy

It’s a trophy you sickos – she’s obviously very good.

happygilmre

 Happy Birthday, Arnold Palmer.

arnold palmer

Hump Day Humor #5

I’m a big fan of The Onion.

I’m even a bigger fan of rewritten Family Circus comics.

These two things combined…& you may call me an enthusiast.

Family Circus Parody
“I’m blaming the drawer when in reality the fault is my own.”
Family Circus Parody
“Mother, what would you suggest one do when one has grown so large that he has taken a bite out of the very moon iteslf?”
Family Circus Parody
“Mommy says she had dreams once.”
Family Circus Parody
“Eat your fucking hand, Baby.”
 WANT MORE HUMP DAY HUMOR? 
Hump Day Humor #1
Hump Day Humor #2
Hump Day Humor #3
Hump Day Humor #4