Y is for Yelling [At Kids In The Alley]

I took a right turn into the parking lot and saw two young boys, if I had to guess I’d say around 10 or 11 years old. They were huddled near the garages of the townhouses I used to reside in, bikes laying on the ground beside them. Driving pass slowly I tried to observe what was going on and at the last second before turning into my parking spot, I took a glance in my rear-view mirror.

These little shits are starting fires!

I slammed on my brakes, threw my car in reverse and with a squeal of my tires and a mark left on the pavement – I met them at the garages.  I went into full blown, she-must-be-a-mama mode. I opened my door with conviction and these delinquent little beasts got pummeled with my angry mom voice.

While throwing my hands in the air…

WHAT EXXXACTLY DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!

Then, without skipping a beat, shaking my head from side to side to show my dislike of the situation…

STARTING FIRES?!

I took one step closer to them, gave them a good stare-down for few seconds and finished up with…

I SUGGEST YOU BOYS GET OUTTA HERE BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE!!

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In my mind, that is what I looked like.

Legit fear immediately covered both their faces. The taller boy threw his hands in the air as if I was an actual police officer myself, with a gun drawn. The smaller blonde boy just stood there with a blank face, nervous.

I make my way back to my house and as I am walking in the front door I notice them taking off on their bikes. Shit, they know where I live. I don’t know these kids… for all I know I just messed with the wrong 11 eleven year old.

A while later, while I was getting ready to make dinner my doorbell rang.

We just wanted to say that we are really sorry for playing with those matches by your house. Is there anything we can do to repay you?

First of all, I never requested or felt as if they owed me anything but I did step outside and chat with to these two young boys. I did my best to explain the serious consequences and risks of starting fires and playing with matches – especially on other people’s property. The taller boy says: Yeah, like……he could have started on fire… pointing at his buddy.

There was a pause, but I replied: Yeah…I would have totally hated that.

We had a little laugh and they went on their way. They never had to come back and say anything, they easily could have gone around the corner and kept doing what they were doing or went home and laughed at the crazy woman in the ally; instead, they made a choice that made me feel good about them, which was so pleasantly unexpected.

They aren’t little shits after all, just young boys.

December 1st

Every year December 1st comes around and reminds me that my kid is another year older, another year of his childhood – gone.

Nine. Nine years old. Which means I started brewing him like ten years ago. To think I’ve committed myself to something for that long is impressive – I mean… I know he’s my kid and all – but shit. TEN YEARS?!

I lay in bed at night and wonder if I’ve done anything that he will resent me for later, or even now. We’ve reached an age where everything is rememberable (I made that word up). My kid’s memory is insane. What is he going to throw in my face when he’s 16? What does he have in his back pocket? What could we have done this past year, experienced or changed that would have shaped him differently?

Good Lord, what have I fucked up?

Parents with small children – enjoy the mulligans while you can. Soon they will be 8 years old and throw in your face that time two years ago when you said we could do that one thing, after that happened – and it’s all happened…

SO WHY AREN’T WE GOING?!

The last few Decembers that have passed I’ve tried to wrap my head around the concept of raising a big kid, rather than a little kid. It’s a really weird transition. I have to tell myself, or my husband looks at me with an, are-you-fucking-serious? look… to allow my totally-capable-kid do his thing – whatever it is. If he succeeds on the first try – great. If it takes him 45 minutes and nothing has been accomplished – okay. If he blows the house up… at least he tried to do it on his own. Life Experiences!

The best difference is instead of helping, teaching and taking pride in watching the light bulb click, I’m sitting back and taking in his pride for being able to do this, that and the other on his own. There is nothing in the world I love more than the smirk my kid gets when he has accomplished something, especially when I wanted nothing more than to either a.) do it myself or, b.) tell him how to do it.

A lot of things have changed in 9 years, thankfully, some of my favorite things things have stuck around. He still wants me to tuck him into bed. He still blows me kisses from across the school field when I drop him off in the morning for school. He still lets me call him any obnoxious nickname I can think of. He still wants me to read to him. He still wants to hang out with me – and that’s awesome. 

Every year has given me a variety of things to feel bittersweet about. At this point, we’re half way to 18 – but I’m not ready to wrap my head around that quite yet. Double digits next year…

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One & [Happily] Done.

In case you’re someone who hasn’t asked me yet, I have zero plans to create any more human beings. The words, ‘Perfectly Content’ come to mind when I think about the three person operation I have going on.

We have a dad, a mom and our 8 year old.

Being pregnant wasn’t a negative experience & has nothing to do with the choice I’ve made. I loved being pregnant. Growing a person inside your body is kind of an amazing experience & I’d totally do it again…If I didn’t have to be thrown back into infant parenting.

quoteHave you ever gotten married, and then told people you weren’t trying to make a
baby? It’s interesting. Depending on the person, the emotions vary. You have the really disappointed grandparents, the new-parent-friends who want to make sure you’re sure it’s the right decision & then there are the people who just stare at you – confused.

Allow me to explain:

My child is currently basking in his independence and we all love it. Why would I want to disrupt that?

He’s old enough to appreciate awesome day trips [that he’ll remember] and he can play outside without supervision.  He helps out around the house AND he’s fun to be around.

I was young when I had my human & I will be young when he moves out. I didn’t plan it this way; I thought I’d have more than one, but before we knew it he was eight years old. Who wants to start all over again when you’re about half way done?!

Let’s talk about money; I do not swim in it. I want to provide my son with as much security and awesomeness as possible. Unlike a lot of my generation, I don’t agree with bringing more children into the world when we’re not financially prepared for it.

I made that mistake once while it all worked out, I learned from it.

Our entire dynamic would change if an infant was introduced to our family. I don’t even remember what it’s like to have a baby. I don’t remember what it’s like to have a toddler. Having legit conversations with my offspring… it’s what I’ve gotten used to.

One & [Happily] Done.

Parental Perks

Sure, free spirits with no kids, I’m sure they’re having the time of their lives traveling, going out for happy hours & sleeping whenever they please. Sometimes I envy them; then I remember there are plenty of perks parents get that they do not.

It’s not a competition or anything, but…

  • If our house is messy, nobody really judges us for it [out loud].
  • We get to buy all the fun snacks (i.e. Fruit Roll-Ups, Gushers, Fruit Snacks…) for the kids and eat them all.

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  • When our kids are sick we get a day off from work.
  • Our kids pick up the dog poop and scoop cat boxes [& we do not].

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  • When we oversleep, we have children that wake us up.
  • We get way fewer hangovers. [At least we should…if you’re doing the parenting thing right].
  • We’re allowed to be a homebodies without being labeled as ‘anti-social’…because we have a kid at home.
  • Board games are fun.board game gif
  • We’re never lonely. Ever. Even if we want to be. [Pros & Cons]
  • All those things we wish we got to do as children…we can encourage our kids to do it & live vicariously through them. [In a healthy way/not a dance-moms kinda way].
  • In extreme situations, we have a built in excuse for anything: 

Sorry, couldn’t get a babysitter.

  • We get an extra birthday [mother’s/father’s day]… every year.
  • Live-in cheerer-upper. Our kids hate seeing us sad.giphy (2)

So, enjoy your sleep kidless folks… it’s not so bad being a parent.