I don’t know if I love to hate it, or if I hate to love it more. It’s so expensive. I’ve resorted to nasty ass dollar tree shit at times, and not always because I couldn’t afford the “cheap” cover girl mascara – that’s still ten fucking dollars – out of just straight protest. Wwwhhhyyyy do I have to drop $50 for three items?
Ugh, I hate it.
But I love how a swipe of bronzer on my cheek feels more. It’s clearly a messed up relationship.
I take no credit for coming up with any of this hilarity, only for sharing it with you.
Where’s all your money? All over my face.
It almost always starts and ends this way. Well, I already went a little far, where’s my purple lipstick?
Eyeliner makes me feel badass but putting eyeliner on is a bitch. “I’m fucking left handed, why do i always fuck up my left god damn eye?!That’s a real question I ask myself every…single…time.
Lipstick is kinda my jam. A friend once told me: The brighter the lipstick, the less you’ll have to repeat yourself. Career waitress here, I tell my husband the dressing choices in my sleep. I also wear blinding lipstick.
Call them New Years Resolutions if you’d like… I’d prefer not to.
I try to avoid setting myself up for that kind of failure; I’m too lazy busy to follow through with an actual “resolution”… [Sounds so serious.] With one day remaining of 2014, here are 5 things I’ll be keeping in mind for the upcoming year.
(Perhaps you’re also a bit behind on the New Year goals & kinda “busy” [or lazy]… feel free to call these your own.)
Do Not Board Any Airplanes
Something I learned in 2014 is that Airplanes are just not for me. I’ve never had a problem flying; the handful of times I’ve had the pleasure I even looked forward to it.
Me, like the rest of you…enjoy the idea of flying & the idea of getting somewhere in a quick fashion.
No more. Nope.
I’ll take my road trip & not disappear – See ya in 3 days.
Things Aren’t So Bad
Sometimes I get a bit heated. Occasionally I slam doors. There are moments I’m not super proud of…I need to remember that things could always be worse.
Someone is in a way worse situation somewhere and they probably bitch way less. Losing my keys, Waking up late, Not having any coffee left… all obnoxious, but really aren’t worth getting all nutty over. That face happens.
I’m a pretty lucky person when all is said and done. I’m going to relax & remember that things aren’t so bad in 2015.
Never Shop At Kohls, Ever Again
They screwed me over this year. If anyone in the world of Corporate Kohls stumbles across my little corner of the World Wide Web here… I want you to know… You all suck – Pass the word in 2015. Please & Thank You.
I will never shop there again, and I’ll tell as many people as possible to avoid your crap store, with crap customer service & crap financial departments that don’t take phone calls…after they take a bunch of money out of someone’s bank account (unauthorized) .
[Disclaimer: A grudge will be held through 2015 at minimum. I might come back in 2016. …Maybe.]
Makeup Is Optional, Not Necessary
I stopped wearing makeup for 3 months this year, consecutively. There are a few lovely things that are possible when you’re not wearing makeup…
You can rub your eyes…whenever you want.
You can sleep longer.
Cry it out… No crazy eyes for you.
You can shower longer.
You don’t have to wash your face at night (which…if I’m being honest – I don’t do that when I’m wearing makeup either…But, lots of you ladies do [&good for you…I’m lazy, remember?]
You won’t get any makeup on the collar of your shirt or cute winter hat.
By all means, wear your war-paint Ladies…just remember, you don’t have to.
If There’s A Problem, Fix It.
In the past [like, yesterday] I’ve suffered from something called, Procrastination Burden Disorder;PBD for short – self diagnosed. This disorder stops my brain from doing the logical thing when placed in a situation that’s less than desirable.
Rather than fix the problem…I’d actually rather sit and stew about it.
Not anymore… I am going to medicate myself with some meditation paired with a healthy dose of daily affirmations & cure myself in 2015 once and for all [fun fact: I’m a doctor & a spiritual healer].