I’m not going to let that bother me.

There we were, my husband and I, both trying to get that ever-so-important final word in. I can’t even tell you what we were bickering about, but I’m positive that it was something dumb – bickering is always for something dumb. If it was of any importance, it certainly would have escalated into an actual argument and I’d know exactly what it was pertaining to…and why I was right and my husband was wrong.

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Yeah, okay…whatever you say.

Good.

Fine.

Seriously! I just tried to end this.

Whatever.

After all that, an exceptional statement came out of my mouth:

I’m not going to let that bother me.

Brandin just looked back at me and I watched a smirk grow on his face, and that was that.

Okay, okay…I admit, I fully intended for that statement to be snide; one more little jab. I was legit surprised when I realized I actually felt better, and not a VICTORY-IS-MINE sorta better, it was as if I had literally just chucked that bicker-fest out the window.

 

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See ya later, bye.

 

What was supposed to be a disparaging remark, turned into quite the opposite. Give it a whirl, and not only when squabbling. For instance:

  • Oh, the jerk in the fancy car just cut me off? I’m not going to let that bother me.
  • Interesting… You canceled plans with me because you have a headache – and you were just tagged on Facebook at Applebee’s? I’m not going to let that bother me.
  • My dog that was just outside for 20 minutes but still crapped on the floor. I’m not going to let that bother me.

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There is really something to this, I promise. I’m no head-doctor and I’m certainly not an expert in staying calm (ask my husband) but hearing those words, they’ve helped digest  situations and from there, there’s a choice. Is it worth the negative feelings? More often than not, I’d rather just stay in a good mood.

 

Brandin

We just celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary. I hope every married person feels the same when I say, my wedding day was the best. Obviously it’s who helped make everything happen, who showed up to watch me forget my vows and who danced the night away – but most of all I got to marry Brandin Boggs, and there was a chocolate fountain.

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Dreams really do come true, ladies.

Marriage isn’t easy. You know this, because at least two of those picture-quotes zip through your newsfeed on Facebook daily. It’s not surprising that cohabiting, co-parenting, co-budgeting, co-everything is hard. Sometimes it actually sucks.

This one time, in the midst of a bickerfest, I told Brandin that he makes me more angry than anyone else, I might have thrown the word ever in there but I hope I didn’t. As soon as the words flew past my lips I knew they were hefty, not only did they actually feel like there was weight attached, I saw Brandin’s face drop. After going through the motions of justifying the mean words I actually decided that it wasn’t really all that crazy.

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Me.

Please know that am not completely unreasonable and I’m aware of this thing called time and place and shouting it out while having a disagreement was probably not appropriate.

I’m terrible at math, and this isn’t even going to make any sense but let me pull some numbers out of my ass real quick. The amount of time I spend with Brandin is 98.34% more than I spend with any other human. So, in this totally illogical math/emotion problem he would also make me happier than anyone else. It all comes down to comfort. I can be a bitch and he can be an asshole, we know this.

We probably should have mentioned something about that in our vows, I could have remembered those.

I promise to always apologize after saying wild shit.

I wrote and really laid out our uncommon love story a while back if you’re interested in finding out more, if not, just know that we have history that backs much further than the eight years I’ve called Wisconsin home. We’re that couple that made a pact back in the day, when we thought 26 was so old and if we weren’t married by then well, shit, we better just marry each other.

Brandin is my personal chef and driver. An occasional babysitter… like, he babysits me after too many adult beverages. We stay up late listening to rap music while playing scrabble… because we’re confused 30-somethings. This one time, before confronting me with something potentially relationship-changing, he bought me a piece of cheesecake…just so I’d know he still loves me.

We have mastered a few looks, good and bad, that the other can read without saying a word. We grocery shop together, cook together, clean together, and want-to-go-home-as soon-as-we’re-out together. He’s logical, sometimes to the extreme and I can be quite the opposite – it’s a nice balance.

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We disagree, we raise our voices, we say things that we shouldn’t. Parenting is not always eye-to-eye, and sometimes we annoy the shit out of each other… but at the end of the day, we always have each others backs and we love each other way more.

B is for Brandin.

 

Top 10 Reasons Married Folks Bicker [all the time]

STATED AS QUESTIONS

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  1. What’s for dinner?
  2. How many drinks have you had?
  3. What do you want to do tonight?
  4. Why are you talking to me like that?
  5. Why didn’t you tell me that sooner?
  6. What did you say?

    Hey, I’m running out to the store. 

    ….Huh? You’re going out cause you’re bored?!

  7. Why aren’t you listening to me?

  8. Will you turn the music down?
  9. Do you think that person is attractive?
  10. Seriously… what the #uck is for dinner?

“A happy Marriage is the union of two good Forgivers” – Ruth Bell Graham

15 Things I’ve Learned After 2 Years Of Marriage

Two years ago today I married my husband; he also married me – it was a mutual decision.

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Our wedding was amazing & while I sincerely hope that every bride feels that way about their wedding day,  I think mine was probably better.

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We had a chocolate fountain & the best company a couple could ask for. I wanted to renew our vows after 6 months so we could throw another party.

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Two years isn’t long in the grand scheme of things [ie: forever] but certainly long enough to learn a few things about having a spouse.

15 Things I’ve Learned After 2 Years Of Wedded Bliss [Mostly]

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  1. If you aren’t going to divorce them, it’s probably not worth screaming about. Know when to get over it & let it go.
  2. The amount of give and take is not always 50/50 & that’s okay; it’ll all even out if you’re doing it right.
  3. Your spouse knows you better than you know yourself…even if you don’t think so. Give them some credit.
  4. If you don’t cook delicious food & your spouse does… clean up.
  5. Love is a verb, not a noun.
  6. Express gratitude… even if you think it’s something small & unimportant – they like it.
  7. Happy Wife, Happy Life : Happy Husband, Happy Wife.
  8. Never use the divorce word, ever… unless you plan to actually do it, like yesterday.
  9. If you want something from your spouse… ask for it or stop complaining.
  10. The definition of sexy changes… like, when my husband fixed the screen door last weekend, that was sexy.
  11. Chuck the whole never go to bed angry thing out the window. Sometimes it’s late – and sleep is a much better option… you’re married – you can talk about it tomorrow…and the next day…and the next day if needed.
  12. Your spouse is as perfect as you are – which is not perfect at all. Accept it. Disappointment is inescapable.
  13. Apologize first… if you didn’t – appreciate when the other does.
  14. Your spouse’s reaction, suggestion & responses are open to interpretation, assume they have the best of intentions & not the worst.
  15. Love changes as time passes. I don’t love my husband more or less – but I love him differently than I did last year.

When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory. –Friedrich Nietzsche

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Partners in crime, Bicker Buddies, Soul Mates

Us

I gave him my crooked smile & he offered me his heart.

I gave him my heart & he offered me his name.

I took his name & gave our son the same.

I gave him heartbreak & he offered me forgiveness.

I took his forgiveness & gave him my word.

He took my word & offered me forever.

We took forever and offered it us.

Where there is love there is life.
-Mahatma Gandhi