Gym Class

I hate math, how I never failed a single math course is beyond me. Placement tests for college? I was placed in a class that focused on whole numbers and decimals. Six classes under college level. But ya know what I always hated more than math? Gym class. Or, Phys. Ed. if you had that one teacher who found the other disrespectful.

As an adult I can grasp the value of children learning the importance of movement, exercise, and team activities. I’m not saying the class should be veto’d or anything, but it is one giant master plan to embarrass the nonathletic and clumsy.

Like me, wearing a shirt with Betty Boop working on her fitness.

Presidential Standards for Physical Fitness Tests? I never met any of the standards, below average actually. Push ups, sit ups, and don’t get me started on the damn pull up bar.

Please. Just put zero and let me move onto the next embarrassing “test”. I guess the sit and reach wasn’t so bad. Fly yourself forward as fast as you can and hope your partner can read the line your finger was at for a split second – and then lie.

The mile run? More like the mile lackadaisical walk. Queen of the shameless 27 minute mile, right here. Probably why I wasn’t top pickin’ for team games.

Any sport or activity that involved things being kicked, thrown or smacked in my direction was just not my idea of a good time. If someone made the questionable choice to give me a chance of participation, I’d throw it away – literally get rid of it as quick as I can. If that means handing the football off to the opposing team because they happen to be standing right there? Okay.

Please don’t throw it to me. Please don’t throw it to me. Please don’t throw it me. Please don’t throw it to me. PLEASE don’t throw it to me.

Me, silently chanting to myself

Am I the only one who gave eyes to the other weak girl on the opposing dodge-ball team? You get me out and I’ll return the favor. Oh, my turn to enter the game again? Nah. I’ll hang out until the teacher noticed and forced me back in the whirlwind of foam balls.

Why is the rope climb important? Why can’t it be optional? Like, extra credit. This should only be mandatory for adults who would need to perform their job duties. Firefighter. Police officer. Military. Body Builders. Can’t think of a single reason why my chubby 15-year-old ass needs to attempt to climb hang from a rope in front of my class. As if hanging from the pull up bar wasn’t shameful enough.

I realize that I am a woman in my mid-thirties who just went on a rant about something from over a decade ago so I tried really hard to think of some positive memories also. Seeing how I couldn’t come up with single f****** one, I feel my emotions regarding this subject are justified. Thank you for listening.