Go Pack Go

I know, I know. I’ve draped myself in purple and walked the streets of Green Bay without hesitation claiming my fanship of the Minnesota Vikings and I’ve never waivered – until now.

The 2016 football season started so optimistic, I thought they’d really gotten their shit together and we’d go riding into (at the very least) the playoffs – and we’d have so much fun!

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Now it’s like this, I’m the Viking’s girlfriend and I’m going to cheat on them with their nasty cousin, the Packers.

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Actually not at all nasty…

Because I’m bitter. 

I’ve been making quite the effort to make it work this season and instead of following through with what they said they’d do, I ended up broken hearted again. The Packers can give me something the Vikings can’t.

Perhaps it’s not the right thing to do and judge me if you will, for the first time in the eight years I’ve resided in Wisconsin I’ll be actively cheering  for the Packers with my friends. I won’t be sitting with my arms crossed, watching everyone else have a good time.

Sorry, not sorry.

When training camp rolls around this summer the Vikings and I can sit down and see where things are.

I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done it, but seriously…things need to change if we’re going to work out.

And in this hypothetical conversation we’d discuss what drove me into the arms of the Packers. I’d say something super cliché (but 100% true) like, I never thought we’d end up like this. Tears will be shed and we’ll end up together again because I can’t stay away.

Call me a bandwagon jumper if you’d like, I just wanna have some fun for once.

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Go Pack Go.

An Open Letter To Stupid Viking Fans

Dear You,

You know who you are. You’re the one booing the second an interception is thrown or whenever the Vikings just don’t quite meet your expectations. I’ve been wanting to write this for quite some time; last Sunday we played the Packers and many of you showed your faces giving me the ammo I was waiting for. Our Vikes, being on a winning streak and all – I’m sure you expected them to do more than they did, right?

Twenty minutes south of Green Bay I watched the game from my house and could clearly hear roars of ‘GO-PACK-GO’ throughout the entire fourth quarter …because all of you stupid fans left. 

Did you not want to face the Packer fans? Can’t handle a little grief? Were you just that disgusted that you couldn’t bear to watch another second? Trying to beat the traffic? …All stupid reasons. I don’t give a flying shit what the score is with 8 minutes remaining in the fourth quarter… why are you leaving?!

Friendly Tip: Just don’t go. Save yourself the misery and fake fandom.

Listen, I’m not unreasonable. I also don’t enjoy being a Vikings fan 100% of the time, it’s not always fun. Hell, let’s be real, watching them kick ass in the first half only to be a completely different team when they come back from halftime sucks. I get it. Do you know what I hate more than even that, though?

Being associated with you stupid fans.

I live in Wisconsin – if there is one other Viking fan that’s in the general vicinity – we’re lumped together and I don’t appreciate it. The Vikings have the worst fans in the NFL (that could be an exaggeration… I didn’t look it up) and 79% of you only support them when they’re winning (another made up statistic).

We lost against the Packers… what about before that? The Vikings won five games in a row for the first time since 2009. We’re still playoff contenders. Our team is a talented group of guys with crazy potential and the coaching is finally where it needs to be. We play our biggest rival to defend the North Division and you let a bunch of Packer fans take over in your house. That’s gross.

While I think the Vikings deserve that new stadium… you stupid Viking fans do not. Maybe with the extra bells and whistles you’ll enjoy your time more. Meanwhile, I’m going to start drafting a letter to whoever is in charge over there – maybe they can work on some technology that can drown out your fairweather, wishy-washy-boos so the team… that you’re there to support don’t get distracted…by their fans. 

You’re dumb.

-A Non-Stupid Viking’s Fan.

SKOL.

 

Roger Goodell Logic

tom brady tweet4 games is a steeper penalty than what was originally handed down to Ray Rice, from the NFL Commissioner.

ICYMI: Rice knocked his [now] wife unconscious in an elevator.

How do those meetings go, that determine suitable disciplinary action? I picture a large oval mahogany table, leather chairs… 10-15 super important rich guys shootin’ the shit, eating expensive snacks.

As my imagination starts getting extra creative… I picture them all cackling, their old-rich-pretentious cackles when they start getting down to business. 

Roger Goodell Laughing Humor
[via: sportressofblogitude.com]
The punishments over the last few seasons for NFL players are ridiculously wide-ranged, no rhyme or reason. What we’ve learned from this whole Deflate Gate scandal, is that the worse offense of all, isn’t raping or beating women.

…It’s not cooperating with the big guys upstairs […not Jesus]. 

Detroit Lions defensive tackle, Ndamukong Suh stomped on Green Bay Packer’s quarterback, Aaron Rogers ankle and ended up having his one game suspension reduced to a fine.

The Atlanta Falcons were streaming in fake crowd noise during home games – ultimately trying to gain an advantage over their opponent & were handed down a punishment of the loss of a fifth-round draft pick in 2016, and the team was fined $350,000.

Are you telling me Roger Goodell, that Matt Ryan had no knowledge of this? Not even possibly?

The Minnesota Viking’s were caught heating up game footballs during a cold game in November last year… They received a warning.

[Roger Goodell Is A Shit-Eating Moron]

I’m not a Patriots fan, and I have never cheered for Tom Brady… but, Roger Goodell is lower on the totem pole.

In my own [and Yahoo!’s] perfect world…

Tom Brady would retire to punish Roger Goodell & the NFL.

Random Act Of Kindness: Ponder Edition

It has been quite some time since I’ve been able to jot down something good  about anyone on my squad of purple convicts…[Minnesota Vikings…if that’s not clear].

Here’s a story Minnesota Viking’s fans can be proud of.

A grieving father brought his two young daughters, Brianna and Emily to the mall a few weeks after their mother tragically passed away in an automobile accident.

He brought them to his late wife’s favorite store to purchase new headbands, trying to lift their spirits. While making their way through the mall, Brianna recognized a familiar face. Minnesota Viking Quarterback, Christian Ponder & his wife Samantha were also shopping at the mall that day.

The girls told The Ponders what brought them to the mall that day, chatted & took a photo.

via: cbs
via: cbs

What happened next is heartwarming. While the girls browsed, the Ponder’s got busy talking with the store manager. After while, the manager approached the family & told them that the girls could pick out whatever they wanted … at no cost to them. They did not put this families tab on theirs for publicity.They didn’t want to be the ones to tell the family of their generosity.

They did it because they are nice people.

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Afterwards, when each girl walked out with a personally tailored outfit – Brianna said:

I’d tell him thank you for what you did, and that I felt like my mom was doing this.

Class act… that Mr. Ponder & his lady.

via: twincities.com
via: twincities.com

10 Things I Took Away From Monday Night Football This Week

1.) Marshawn Lynch is Crazy-Beasty fast

[Yes, I made that term up.]

Holy Cannoli

I have never seen a running back plow through with no regard for anything in front of him the way he does.

via: seattlepi.com
via: seattlepi.com

& He does it over…and over…and over again.

2.) Fleet Farm Toyland forgot about November

Commercial Break…

via: fleetfarm.com
via: fleetfarm.com

WHY is Fleet Farm already telling us about Toyland opening at 7am… & layaway?! It’s the beginning of October. Gross…

Please… Stop it. 

3.) Another Minnesota Viking has left for Seattle

After playing with the convicts Minnesota Vikings for 11 years, Defensive Tackle – Kevin Williams is now with a few other smart and lucky players to make the transition to the Seahawks.

He follows suit after Percy Harvin (We’ll get to him shortly), Sidney Rice and A.J. Jefferson.

Cant say I really blame them; good move, guys.

via: giphy.com
via: giphy.com
4.) If you live in Wisconsin, and like to drive drunk… call this guy

Local commercials are the best…aren’t they?

Pitsch Law will help you get out of your consequences. That’s what I took from that. What a terrible commercial. I promise – no more commercial talk.

5.) The Redskins are happy to have DeSean Jackson

Formerly a Philadelphia Eagle, DeSean Jackson caught a long touchdown pass from quarterback Kirk Cousins; closing the gap between the two teams by 10 points. They still had a chance…

That made touchdown catch #19 since entering the NFL in 2008 of 50+ yards. Fun Fact: That’s the most in the NFL, per ESPN.

6.) Penalties, Penalties, Penalties…

Not only are the Washington Redskins happy to have Desean Jackson… they should also be happy that the Seattle Seahawks managed to lose 90 yards over a span of 13 penalties. This could have been much uglier.

Speaking of penalties… 

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7.) Percy Harvin Is Annoyed

Percy had 3 touchdowns in Monday Night’s game against the Washington Redskins that were taken back due to penalties. (Two of them, back to back!) I was shocked when I saw his face on my television after the 3rd & he was smiling…. Keep it classy, Percy. I’d be going nutty.

via: sportige.com
via: sportige.com
8.) Russell Wilson knows how to use his legs

Jeeze Louise… he is mobile! Every single play, Russell Wilson seems to know exactly where to move under pressure. The conclusion that I have come up with is that he hates getting sacked.

Russell Be Like:

Nope…Not happenin’ guys…gotta catch me first.

Suckers…

…First down. I looked good doing that, didn’t I?

9.) Richard Sherman Is Awesome & I love him

This, I already knew. It bothers me that people have beef with his explosive personality. Richard Sherman is smart. He only says things he is able to back up.

via: urbanintellectuals.com
via: urbanintellectuals.com

Last night Pierre Garcon pulled Richard Sherman to the ground by his hair & well, that didn’t make Mr. Sherman very happy. He proceeded to tell cameras during his post game interview that Garcon, “Doesn’t matter in this league.”

Garcon responded with:

[#TeamRichardSherman …I love Richard Sherman. That’s it.]

10.) Fun Twitter Fact:

After last night… I think I might be a Seahawks Fan.  

…I suppose there are worse things to be.


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