A Year’s Worth of Properly Ridiculous

One year ago I signed up for WordPress & published my first post 6 days later.

In this span of time, I’ve managed to convince 683 people to keep an eye on it. I watched that number go up and down quite a bit – depending on what was being ranted, raved or praised. I’ve monitored the traffic behind it all, almost to a fault.

I’ve watched my writing progress & change. I’ve explored different styles; wrote my very first fiction & followed with a few more.  I attempted to make sense of crazy trials, news stories, missing planes, made my fear of Ebola known & told a whole-lotta people to STFU.

I struggled through my ridiculous anxiety, and learned how to curb it. Later in the year, listened to an audio book that rocked my socks off & told everyone to just go out and follow your own arrow. I Attempted to explain resting bitch face … In turn, I was kinda bitchy about smoking & littering.

I’ve documented my son growing up, his continuing crush on the Tooth Fairy … & when he tried to plunge the toilet with a towel. Yeah, It Happened. I’m so happy it’s written down & saved for his future girlfriends.

Since I’m obviously a professional, I shared the wealth of knowledge and told you how to raise your kids also.

I made my love for football well known. Wrote a few open letters to Jared Allen & Brett Favre. Stuck up for Adrian Peterson & Ray Rice, called out ignorant football fans & directly told the entire NFL to get it together.

I turned thirty and intentionally have not changed my About Me page to reflect that; Properly Ridiculous will forever be, pushing 30. It’s been a good year & next will be better.

Thank you, 683 people who validate my lack of a filter.

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JUDGE ME AND MINE & KEEP YOUR WOLVES DRESSED IN SHEEP’S CLOTHING ON A PEDESTAL.

Once upon a time, in a land kinda far away… I was a robot. There were no wires, sensors, control systems or software under my skin, but, I did have a function that habitually moved me. I was equipped to please.

As a robot, you don’t need to worry about your own feelings – because there are none. Perhaps occasionally a twinge of something begins, but it’s quickly dismissed… because there are more important things & people who are counting on your services.

It’s irrational to believe anyone has the type of power I was attempting to achieve in my robotic status. A few years back I ran into some mechanical problems & I started having original thoughts. When a systematic person’s soul sole function is to ensure the happiness of everyone around them, eventually some wires will get crossed.

Sparks flew.

My head spun around a few times.

Violently, I shook.

Without warning, I felt control over myself. Control of happiness, choices, words, time, decisions, effort, feelings, direction, wants, needs, sadness, passion… I felt it all. The discipline I’d crafted for everyone else’s happiness – was turned onto myself. Where has the concern for me been all this time? What have I missed out on?

As the reality exploded in front of me, I ran with it.

I found a passion & started writing. Writing turned into comprehending & more feeling. The feeling transformed into self-love; that type of love does not come from other’s happiness – it comes from your own.

Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. 

-George Bernard Shaw

Change does not translate easily to everyone. A dramatic shift in demeanor must mean something negative, right? Assumptions were made & ideas turned into fabrications.

There’s chatter from across the way:  Sally, Joe & John are worried about you… 

FIX IT – it’s what you do.

Reach out. Talk to them. Tell them where you are. Tell them everything is going to be okay.

The truth is…no one asked; Sally, Joe & John assumed. Slowly, it became a slap in the face. Regardless how slow the motion & connection, it hurt.

It is unacceptable to theorize my life with a negative tone & not question it. It’s distasteful to chatter among yourselves about a toxic situation you believe I’m in & not question it. Because of this, there are people in my life I no longer speak with. Do I miss them? Yep, sure do.

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Judge me and mine & keep your wolves dressed in sheep’s clothing on a pedestal.

Life is not about proper movement.

Being isn’t about knowing what to say all the time.

There should not be a script for every day life.

Originality is inspiring. Your brain can be exercised & you won’t even break a sweat. Don’t be afraid to stick up for yourself. Don’t be hesitant to find happiness in unconventional ways. Find something you’re good at… do it, a lot. Your ideas hold value, even if it’s only to you. Don’t do anything for the masses. 

Just be happy.

Don’t surround yourself with anyone who fights that.

No Comeback

Things I used to lack

Ambition and Inspiration

Feelings familiar from way back

Apparently, this is called a passion

When did I stop and why?

Doesn’t matter because now

It’s gives me this wonderful high

Here come the burdens, proceed with caution

My heart tells my brain, You’re a maniac 

Can’t you see? This is your prescription

Silence, No comeback