C is for Creating a Human

Women do this all the time, on the regular – some even do it repetitively. Brewing a human inside our bodies and having the ability to keep it alive with our boobs is pretty intense.

Labor is pretty intense though, too.

A week past my due date, slapping-strangers-when-they-found-it-appropriate-to-tell-me-just-how-uncomfortable-I-look, I walked into the hospital to be induced. Naturally, the thought of having this overcooked being outside of my body was super exciting and when the nurse administering the baby-eviction medicine told me with a smile that I would have a baby by noon, I naively believed her.

She asked me if I wanted a mirror brought in… so I could watch my baby enter the world. 

gross

I think my facial expression concerned the nurse. Perhaps to some it could be a beautiful process but: No, thank you. I would rather not watch.  Looking back, that would have been an appropriate answer to her question. Instead, speaking straight from my heart, I asked her if she was f****** crazy and proceeded to stare as if I asked a legit question.

36 hours later, my Bennett was born.

They say you forget about all the pain and awfulness that comes along with child birth after feeling the love for your baby – I certainly felt the love but the memory of the progression is vivid. Whoever they are probably never went through 2,160 minutes of labor.

I never pretend to be the tough girl and I don’t handle physical pain without cussing someone out, so the idea of giving birth without drugs was laughable. Hell, I was begging for them before I was even contracting out of pure fear. Little did I know that the process of getting an epidural is more terrifying than the fear of the actual pain itself.

The plan was to have the long needle stuck directly into my spine and I would feel relief, but first things first: we need to get that needle into my spine. The nurse tells me to sit up and lean forward as far as I can. Sure, it’s necessary but asking an overdue pregnant woman to lean forward is cruel. I did what I was told and then I felt it. Letting out an overzealous yelp, instantly I was in tears.

This is the cotton – I am cleaning the injection site.

–The Nurse

So many new moms have lovely tales about the very first moment they laid eyes on their new little offspring.

Me? Not so much.

After 35 hours of labor it was decided that clearly this little person was not going to make the journey into the world willingly so I ended up accomplishing the task via c-section. There I am strapped down to a table (literally, my arms tied down) – I hear him start to cry and the doc says, “Look to your left!” I turn my head and they put his small slimy face right up next to mine.

Now, before I tell you what I said – please keep in mind that I was slightly drugged and had been in labor for 36 hours…

His nose is SO big.

That’s what I said. I’m not proud of it but it seemed right at the time. Thankfully, they let me take him home and we have been hanging out ever since.


 A to Z Challenge: Day Three

 

Opinion: Love Your Lines

ProperlyRidiculousOpinionsWhy does it matter that the coconut butter I smeared on my growing stomach did not prevent the lines from forming from the top, all the way to the bottom? Women’s bodies are capable of creating human beings – and there are many things that happen along the way as a result of that phenomenon…

Not to be all gross or anything but, should we start a movement about poo-ing on the delivery table while giving birth? Is that beautiful, too? …It was part of the process, and as much as we all hope it doesn’t happen – it’s natural.

[via: giphy.com]
[via: giphy.com]
The stretch marks that are on my belly & sides due to carrying a human inside my body will never grace the walls of my social media.  I have no problem with the women who proudly display what their bodies went through, more power to them. Me? I would rather focus on the hard work that goes into parenting my offspring rather than the hard work my body went through to get him here.

giphy
[via: giphy.com]
I’m not shaming the #LoveYourLines campaign, movement… whatever you want to call it – it’s just there are so many other things we could focus on. Women constantly voice their desire to be noticed for things outside of physical appearances & their bodies – yet here we are putting a lot of attention on just that.

[via: giphy.com]
[via: giphy.com]
Being a mother is rewarding on so many levels that, to be honest, stretch marks are the last thing on my mind. I’m thinking about the future of my child & where we go from where we are at right now. How far we have come since the day he made his appearance and what we will do next week to expand his portfolio of experiences.

My body and the marks on it, have no bearing on any of those things.

So yeah…that’s how I feel about that.

One & [Happily] Done.

In case you’re someone who hasn’t asked me yet, I have zero plans to create any more human beings. The words, ‘Perfectly Content’ come to mind when I think about the three person operation I have going on.

We have a dad, a mom and our 8 year old.

Being pregnant wasn’t a negative experience & has nothing to do with the choice I’ve made. I loved being pregnant. Growing a person inside your body is kind of an amazing experience & I’d totally do it again…If I didn’t have to be thrown back into infant parenting.

quoteHave you ever gotten married, and then told people you weren’t trying to make a
baby? It’s interesting. Depending on the person, the emotions vary. You have the really disappointed grandparents, the new-parent-friends who want to make sure you’re sure it’s the right decision & then there are the people who just stare at you – confused.

Allow me to explain:

My child is currently basking in his independence and we all love it. Why would I want to disrupt that?

He’s old enough to appreciate awesome day trips [that he’ll remember] and he can play outside without supervision.  He helps out around the house AND he’s fun to be around.

I was young when I had my human & I will be young when he moves out. I didn’t plan it this way; I thought I’d have more than one, but before we knew it he was eight years old. Who wants to start all over again when you’re about half way done?!

Let’s talk about money; I do not swim in it. I want to provide my son with as much security and awesomeness as possible. Unlike a lot of my generation, I don’t agree with bringing more children into the world when we’re not financially prepared for it.

I made that mistake once while it all worked out, I learned from it.

Our entire dynamic would change if an infant was introduced to our family. I don’t even remember what it’s like to have a baby. I don’t remember what it’s like to have a toddler. Having legit conversations with my offspring… it’s what I’ve gotten used to.

One & [Happily] Done.

I’m kinda sick of pregnancy time lapse videos..

To Be Honest Uh Oh Featured Image

I’m kinda sick of time lapse videos..(or really anything-of-the-sort) of growing pregnant bellies.

Yep. It’s cute.

Disclaimer: I know that none of the pictures in this post really represent the ACTUAL topic. I don't know, but...I hope you find them as ridiculous as I do. I found them Here.
Her Hair Looks Really Nice.
Super Cute. I Do Think Her Hair Looks Nice.

The first time-lapse video thing I saw, I watched a few times in a row; recommended it to friends even.

Then, there was this one…

So now I’ve seen it…repetitively…and it all looks like the same change of hair and shape over & over…& over.

Ding Dong.
Ding Dong.
Not Creepy At All...Not even a little.
Not at all weird or creepy.

I don’t like that I feel obligated to watch them every time they cruise past my social-media-of-choice newsfeed because…well, they’re obviously, delightful & pretty awesome human beings for doing something like that.

Reminder: The photos are only an added bonus - I am talking about the time lapse videos.

I’m not making fun of anyone who did it… wants to do it… plans to do it…or is in the process of doing it.

To be honest, I wish I would have done something of the sort.

…It wouldn’t have been the same though, I was way more house shaped while pregnant. Perhaps that’s why I’m just kinda over seeing all the annoyingly cute-skinny pregnant everyone else do it.

Ya know?