Where have you been?

I actually meant me… not you. Where have I been? Clearly not here, seeing as my last post was in July and while I sit here pretending to be baffled as to why it went so long, I’m well aware. I know exactly where I’ve been and it includes a few things I’m not super proud of.

I mean, it’s not all television related. I also really love to nap, which is something I have always been very open about.

I like to think of it as going on an adventure, as a vivid dreamer I refuse to downplay my nap as simple sleep.

When the keyboard and I have spent quality time together, we’ve been working on my book that will (fingers crossed) be finished by summer. There’s a constant struggle between thinking the words I’m coming up with are borderline genius or complete garbage. Writing is hard, and I’m not going to say anything else about it because I refuse to make this about promises, guarantees, or anything that is not just throwing some shit out there because it’s been a minute.

If I had not been so lazy, and prioritized my time better, there are a few things I would have maybe written about between July of last year and now – so I’ll run through a condensed version of what I probably would have had to say.

  1. My kid started middle school and the only thing I’ll touch on here is that I always thought this parenting thing would get easier as my child got older and independent. Apparently, his ability to make his own breakfast, and stay home alone does not have anything to do with my fears surrounding every single thing that is now out of my control. With that being said he still tells me I look pretty before I go to work, and I have yet to hear him cuss, which if you know me, that’s a fucking miracle.
  2. The Vikings let me down again.
  3. A dog showed up on our doorstep one day, found out her name was Rudy after I’d lovingly called her Brenda for a few days. An adorable little puggle who scarfed food so fast she choked it back up and then ate it again. We started coming up with stories for her like she traveled all this way because she was clearly starving – when in all reality she lives the next block over, and “that’s just how she eats”. I’ve never reunited a dog with anyone before, but I hope I get to do it again at some point.
  4. I voted in the midterm elections and I hope you did too.
  5. I participated in another Storycatchers event and had all the feels while I was up on the stage again. There really is something indescribable about having all eyes on you and swallowing up every single reaction you’re able to catch a glimpse of while you tell your story into a microphone.
Storycatchers/Theme: Unreliable Narrator

So, it’s January. Hopefully, I’ll find myself here before July 2019. If not, I’m sure I’m working on my book, and not making sure I’ve watched every single episode of Dateline that’s ever aired.

No, I’m not upset about turning 30

There is nothing scary about turning thirty…as long as I’m able to still act and feel 24. [I was initially going to say ‘as long as I still act 22…’ but I was still doing some pretty stupid shit at 22 years old.]

Turning 30 years old is a breakthrough.

I think I’ll take a moment, celebrate my age
The ending of an era and the turning of a page
Now it’s time to focus in on where I go from here
Lord, have mercy on my next thirty years.
-Tim McGraw

I managed to survive 1/3 of my life without any real catastrophes. From the time I was born, through the age of 29… not all my decisions were stellar [understatement] but, I mean…

I’ve managed to walk into thirty with only one child being born out of wedlock (pretty proud of that), no drunk driving tickets…hell, I’ve never even been arrested, never contracted any STDs…

via: giphy.com
via: giphy.com

…I’m pretty proud of those accomplishments.

So, now comes 30. I won’t say that I’m happy to leave my 20’s behind, but I’m prepared.

The only time you really live fully is from thirty to sixty. The young are slaves to dreams; the old, servants of regrets. Only the middle-aged have all their five senses in the keeping of their wits. Hervey Allen

Slaves to dreams… from 13-24 I was completely oblivious to what I needed; looking for something better, over & over. All the while, I thought I had it all figured out…just like most people that age. It’s quite silly really, to look back … and try to figure out where I saw myself at 30 – then.  It’s certainly not here. But, that’s okay…actually, it’s better than okay – it’s exactly where I’m supposed to be.

via: offbeatblackgirl.com
via: offbeatblackgirl.com

30 is not going to suck, it’s just the starting point. The next 2/3 of my life will be filled with new adventures, opportunities, mishaps & happiness; of that I’m sure.

via: http://bethkujawski.blogspot.com/
via: http://bethkujawski.blogspot.com/

Drive Time With Jen

I planned on giving my dad a call this morning but then… Bon Jovi came on the playlist I threw on shuffle. I’ve seen them live more than a few times with my dad – so I felt obligated to belt out “You Give Love A Bad Name” with as much emotion as possible & in turn – still kinda hang out with my dad.

funny-celebrity-tweets-weird-al-yankovic-bon-jovi

Then…

The song I walked down the aisle to at my wedding came on & I got all cute in my head – started reminiscing on the (cliché alert) best day of my life. Stopped at a red light, while daydreaming I started twirling my hair – probably obnoxiously. When I looked to my right there’s a brunette, maybe 30 years old peering into my car. She rolled her eyes and fairly dramatically looked away.

tina fey eye roll

Bitch. I was thinking about the day I got married; excuuuse me if I got lost in my moment. Really, I’m sorry.

The light turned green, I got eager…sped ahead & cut her off. Pretty sure she hates me.

dontcare

& I Don’t Care.

Then…

Driving down the highway – I caught a glimpse of a man pulled over on the side of the road, attempting to strap… or perhaps re-strap a ladder to his truck. I was driving 70 mph, so to say that I even caught a glimpse at him might seem like an exaggeration – but I do remember thinking to myself that he looked perplexed.

That worried me.

DEAR GOD

Please let him know what he’s doing.

As I approach my exit ‘Let It Go’ comes on…Yeah, the one from Frozen. I’m picky about how I listen to my Disney tunes of choice though & actually happened to have the Demi Lovato version (which is way better…which makes it acceptable.) on my playlist. I really let it out – I suppose you could even say I let it go.

letitgo demi

Where is the brunette to judge me now?

Pulled into work, realized tomorrow is Friday… & decided it’s going to be a stupendous day.

That concludes ‘Thursday Morning Drive With Jen’.

Writing Calendar, Writing Opportunities & Writing Madness

When I made the decision to start a blog…I’ll be honest… I had no clue what “blogging” all entailed. I jumped in very uneducated but with an open mind. I thought, I have some things to say – and I believe some people might agree with me & who knows?… Maybe people could enjoy it, even if they don’t. I’ve written before about how awesome this whole community is. I’ve made amazing friendships, I’ve challenged myself to try new styles of writing & been given a pretty awesome opportunity. 

Which brings me here…

I’m so excited to share that I have been asked to be the Minnesota Vikings writer for the website, Onside Chick. Football season is quickly approaching – and I couldn’t be anymore ready for it. I will be contributing to the website by writing Minnesota Viking’s game recaps & game predictions for my men in purple. My first article, about the new Minnesota Vikings Stadium was posted last week & I’m feeling [unusually] proud of myself. I’m super stoked to be part of a group of girls who love football. This website is a place where ladies (or men…I suppose) can go if they want to learn more about the game, get weekly updates on any team, player injury updates, receive some fantasy football tips….you get the idea. Go check ‘er out!

In other news… I discovered Google Docs this week. Why have I never explored this before?! Why has no one told me to peek in there and see what it’s all about? If I had to place the blame somewhere, I guess I’d put it on Google+. I do not know a single person who utilizes Google+ & I’m assuming I’ve just been throwing all the other Google “apps” in with it. Outta sight – outta mind.

So, anyway… Google Docs.

I found a pretty spectacular Blogging Calendar Template. It pretty much looks exactly like what I’ve been trying to come up with on my own for the past month. Literally, I just clicked “open” …and there it was. A fully completed editorial calendar (even nicely colored)…ready for my ideas to fill the spaces. I’m a bit annoyed it took this long – but I’m happy to say that I officially have a schedule for my writing & I’d like to share it with you…not so much because I know you’re just dying to know, but more so to hold myself accountable. 

Mondays

stfu

I tend to be a bit more bitter on Mondays (as most people do)…in honor of that bitterness I’ve decided that I am going to dedicate this day to Seriously, STFU. If you’d like to check out past, STFU Posts…

Seriously, STFU: Dear Fatty Edition

Seriously, STFU : Botched Execution Edition

Tuesdays

images

I’m a mom & I think I’m a pretty good one. My son is a 7 year old redheaded spitfire who gives me things to write about for days. If you’d like to check out past parenthood posts…

The Tooth Fairy Gives Cash Bonus’ For Pain & Bad Decisions.

Bittersweet Independence 

I Created A Human

Wednesdays

funny-hump-day-camel-ad1

I’m sticking with my Hump Day Humor. Hump Day is a day to celebrate and be happy that we’ve almost made it through another week.  If You’d like to check out past, Hump Day Humor Posts…

Hump Day Humor #1

Hump Day Humor #5

Hump Day Humor #10

Thursdays

nfl-logo

Did you know that I love football? I wasn’t sure if I’d mentioned that yet…I do not only love my Minnesota Vikings – but the entire NFL as a whole makes my world go round. My blog would not be complete without a day dedicated to the sport. I plan to provide you with some lovely NFL Goodness. If you’d like to check out past NFL Goodness Posts…

Minnesota Vikings 2014-2015 Season – Let’s Keep The Glass Half Full

5 Reasons Why I Love Football (& Why More Ladies Should)

Dear Mr. Brett Favre

Fridays

funeral

My last Hump Day Humor focused on me hopping back onto my healthy train. I’ve been working out daily, tracking my grub on My Fitness Pal (which is a spectacular resource by the way…) & I’m going to dedicate Fridays to #FridayFitness. I’m by no means a health nut, nor do I claim to always make the healthiest choices. I’m just a working mama trying to stick around as long as possible… 

Saturdays & Sundays

Picture-26-300x193

The weekend will be for nothing but pure randomness. I’ve been dabbling in some creative writing, short stories, poetry…and sometimes I just have some opinions that don’t fit here or there. 

I want to make sure I am prepared for this writing schedule, so I plan to go live with it Monday July 21, 2014. Drafts are being written and I’m starting to feel like a real blogger.

…fancy that. 

Sig