Tweeting is really only good for one thing – it’s just good for tweeting… It is rewarding, because it’s just its own reward. It’s sort of like heaven. [Steve Martin]
The less I tweet the more followers I get. What are you telling me?
— Steve Martin (@SteveMartinToGo) November 15, 2014
My hamster just had hiccups and though it was adorable I freaked the fuck out and shoved food in his face to cheer him up. Works for me.
— Fits of Wit (@Jamie_FitsofWit) January 28, 2015
— Scott Watson (@scottymwatson) January 31, 2015
Apparently, it's all about me. And my other fellow Benjamins.
— Bitter Ben (@Benadman) January 27, 2015
my snapchat username is fucknoidontwanttoseeyourdick
— Jessica Roy (@JessicaKRoy) January 30, 2015
— Fits of Wit (@Jamie_FitsofWit) December 11, 2014
My two year old just yelled "Stupid fuck" three times during her bath tonight if anyone was wondering how bad traffic was earlier. #PointsMe
— Bizarre Lazar (@BizarreLazar) January 31, 2015
when you write a tweet that's so deep and applicable to your life that you're like "this must be how Kanye feels during an interview"
— Katie Hoffman (@bykatiehoffman) January 30, 2015
Damn boy, are you a fanny pack? Because you're full of shit and embarrass me in public.
— Sassafrantz (@Sassafrantz) January 28, 2015
I trust and respect Congress more than Roger Goodell. #SuperBowl
— Jeff Barrett (@BarrettAll) January 30, 2015