Nap Attack

I’m a napper. I haven’t always been, but God damn, I just love me some naps. I don’t even have to be tired, it’s still one of my favorite past times every single time I make the decision to lay my head down when the sun is still up.

No shame. 

It seems like naps get a bad reputation. Nappers are not lazy, we just find joy in closing our eyes and ignoring the world. Sure, I could read a book, work on some writing, or clean the house… but sleeping is so much more satisfying. Judge me if you will, but I try to nap at least once a day. I took a nap this morning. 

If you ever watch a movie with me, expect to tell me how it ended because sometimes I can’t even control my napping – it just happens. Most of the time, I don’t even feel refreshed when it’s over, but I never regret it.

Sleeping is something I’ve never struggled with, it’s never been an issue. Give me a concrete floor and a pillow and I’ll be snoozing in no time. My sympathies go out to people who have a hard time getting to dreamland, I can’t relate at all. What’s it like to try to fall asleep? Why can’t you just close your eyes and fucking relax?

I don’t know if it’s because my brain is always going a million miles a minute but I can take a quick 10 minute snoozer and have the most vivid dream. It’s like, Oh, I feel like going on an adventure – Imma nap. 

I urge all of you to embrace a good nap once in a while, or everyday, at least once a week. Make it a habit and list it as a hobby, most importantly don’t feel bad about it.

Parental Perks

Sure, free spirits with no kids, I’m sure they’re having the time of their lives traveling, going out for happy hours & sleeping whenever they please. Sometimes I envy them; then I remember there are plenty of perks parents get that they do not.

It’s not a competition or anything, but…

  • If our house is messy, nobody really judges us for it [out loud].
  • We get to buy all the fun snacks (i.e. Fruit Roll-Ups, Gushers, Fruit Snacks…) for the kids and eat them all.


  • When our kids are sick we get a day off from work.
  • Our kids pick up the dog poop and scoop cat boxes [& we do not].

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  • When we oversleep, we have children that wake us up.
  • We get way fewer hangovers. [At least we should…if you’re doing the parenting thing right].
  • We’re allowed to be a homebodies without being labeled as ‘anti-social’…because we have a kid at home.
  • Board games are fun.board game gif
  • We’re never lonely. Ever. Even if we want to be. [Pros & Cons]
  • All those things we wish we got to do as children…we can encourage our kids to do it & live vicariously through them. [In a healthy way/not a dance-moms kinda way].
  • In extreme situations, we have a built in excuse for anything: 

Sorry, couldn’t get a babysitter.

  • We get an extra birthday [mother’s/father’s day]… every year.
  • Live-in cheerer-upper. Our kids hate seeing us sad.giphy (2)

So, enjoy your sleep kidless folks… it’s not so bad being a parent.

Tomorrow Always Comes.

Lingering between awake and sleep is a nightly ritual.  I’m not confident why I do it to myself; there is no logical explanation I am able to share with you.

Once in a great while, I will treat myself to a 10:00 bedtime, lights out, just-go-to-sleep kinda night. The morning following a 10:00 sleep time – I love myself, vowing to do it again. While making this knowingly fake promise to myself, I can hear me laughing at myself. Yeah sure, ok…whatever you say. You’re silly.

The next night comes…

10:58pm, if I go to bed right now I’ll get 6 hours and 32 minutes of sleep.

[Sidenote: My clock watching abilities are top notch. This is not only a bedtime talent – I am well versed in watching the clock at all hours of the day. I am always aware how much time I have remaining until I have to or want to begin my next task – but, that’s a story for a different day. Check back, I’m bound to write about my TIME OCD sooner rather than later.]

The problem I’m faced with nightly is that if I go to bed right now, today is over & tomorrow might as well just begin.  Avoiding the next day I’m not – Just not quite ready to let go of the present. I do not know what tomorrow holds – but I am in full control of right now.

I pick up my phone & open up whatever app I’m not bored with yet – half pay attention to the noise coming out of the television set & continuously question if maybe I should give into my droopy eyes & drift off to sleep.

Nope, you win again Angry Birds. (The only reason this App still piques my interest: I feel the need to prove to myself I am capable of beating each level at a higher level at the same level my 7-year-old did last year).

11:21pm, if I go to bed right now I will get 6 hours & 9 minutes of sleep. My phone just fell out of the grip of my hand & hit the bridge of my nose.  I have a legit fear it may be broken or at the very least oozing a red substance. I use my sailor mouth to curse out my phone & place it on my nightstand. Stupid phone.  

My nose is not broken – or bleeding. I’m okay.

11:31pm, if I go to bed right now I will get 5 hours & 59 minutes of sleep. I can function off 5 hours pretty well…what should I do now?  I know I will be sleepy tomorrow, so the most logical thing to avoid sleep is to make a to-do list for tomorrow. I reach for my notebook with the purest of intentions to get a head start on my tomorrow.

How long was I sleeping? I must have dozed… I look down at my notebook and acknowledge the single downward wavy line my pen created as my eyelids gave up. Quitters.

11:59pm, if I go to bed right now I will get 5 hours & 37 minutes of sleep. As the clock ticks closer and closer to midnight, I can feel myself getting irked.  I realize that while I am able to function off 5 hours of sleep – I don’t find it preferable. That wasn’t my initial thought at 11:31 – and it’s not a nightly irk – If it was, I would have to assume I wouldn’t continue this vicious cycle on a nightly basis.

12:00am. It’s the next day. Regardless of how many hours of sleep I will get to soak up tonight – Tomorrow came. It was out of my control. I reach over, turn my light off & drift to sleep. While I don’t know what today holds, yesterday is gone.